getting out b4 going nuts
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| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 6:57pm |
In short (and without boring you with the details), I made a big mistake by reconciling with my ex of one year. I had my own place (rented) and gave it up to move back with him. When I first came back, I admit I wasn't crazy about the idea but he had seemed to change and our daughter was happy. For the first month or two, we got along great. Then he returned to his old ways. He's extremely hard on my son from a previous marriage, even though he's been my son's father figure for over 12 years. We fuss and argue and he puts me down and tells me I'm crazy and that I have to leave...all in front of my 2 kids. Then later he'll apologize and try to make nice. It doesn't matter; I am just numb and go along to keep the peace, which is exactly the way it was before I divorced him.
The last straw was a few weeks ago, when I had a hysterectomy and he expected me to be up and cleaning the house within just a few days. At that point, he started threatening to "send me" to my mom's, which is a 2 br place where her and my brother live. My mom cares about me, but she yells all the time (kind of like Wishful's mom) and talks about things that are inappropriate in front of the kids. I know none of this is healthy, esp. where the kids are concerned, but I have no place to go, shakey credit and only about $800 to be used towards moving expenses, which isn't very much for my area.
Could someone please please suggest an "escape plan" of sorts for how I can get away from this nightmare that I've gotten myself into?? I have been living daily with angst, depression (for which I have to take medication), misery and every other unhappy term you can think of. Not only do I not even care about this man, but I feel as if I'm cheating myself because I'm not being true to my heart. I feel like I could just scream and I'm afraid if I start, I won't be able to stop. Thank you so much for listening. Any advice you can give will be most appreciated.
Lysa

Hi Legal, and welcome (that nic is hysterical, BTW)
Yep, he's definitely following the pattern of the typical verbal/emotional abuser.
CL-Blueliner4
Yes, SO is very controlling. And he's used to being the boss at work and thinks he can come home and be the boss here. Everyone thinks he's "such a great guy". Please. THEY can marry him then! LOL
I don't have very much family support. My mom is very similar to Wishful78's so you can just imagine some of the scenarios that have played out over this. She is always putting me down, making me feel stupid or that I make the wrong decisions, criticizing how I am raising my kids, etc. The first time I left SO (pre-divorce), she told me I was selfish! Excuse me? I am selfish because I want to have peace in my life and remove my kids from the fighting and seeing me so depressed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown?? She thinks that just because he's a hard worker and is good with money, doesn't cheat or physically abuse me, that should be enough to make me want to stay, at least for the kids' sake. I rarely tell her anything but she can tell when I'm upset and asks, What are you guys fighting about now? She doesn't understand that it's ongoing and never stops. She thinks I'm being silly or overreacting and this frustrates me all the more. Over the weekend, I called her and told her I was so miserable and asked if maybe me & the kids could get a place together with her and my brother (who lives with her, is 31, bipolar, & has no job!!) She didn't seem too thrilled and said, Besides, I'm stuck with my lease until Feb. At this point, my nerves are so bad that I don't know if I could really live with her anyway.
Soooo! Having said that, do you think I'd qualify for assistance from a domestic violence program? Even though he's not hitting me or anything like that? I am so embarrassed to even call and ask... but I guess that may be my only way out. Sigh. Your comments are welcome.
Hugs,
Lysa
As far as "qualifying" for a DV shelter, you should be able to.
CL-Blueliner4