The Ghost of Christmas Past
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| Wed, 12-21-2005 - 9:08am |
If the ghost of Christmas past would show the past with my ex he would show the following. Gifts purchased with my credit cards for me to pay the rest of the following year. One year I gave him cash to buy my Christmas, figuring that would help. He took the money and bought himself something and charged my gift anyway. And the gift didn't come in until the end of January. Christmas was usually a diamond ring or other jewelry item. He would never get me anything for my horses or my car or any activity that I did so that usually left jewelry as the gift of choice. He would show the ring/necklace to all our friends before he gave it to me and then I would be stuck trying to make out I liked it when in fact it was a huge diamond cluster ring that I would not pick out for myself ever and cost more than I would have paid for it. Oh and two of the diamonds fell out of it later on at a $100 a pop to replace. He would spend the money as fast as it came in so there was never much money to get my family a gift much less him. But if I didn't get him something he thought was up to par then the next birthday, anniversary, or Christmas I would get nothing as I didn't get him anything the time before. For my 30th birthday, he didn't speak to me the entire day to "teach me a lesson" after I got him a small toy for his birthday as I was broke and didn't know what he wanted. He would open gifts and then up and out the door to play with whatever toy he just got and that would be our day until it was time to eat.
Then the after Christmas dark mood would set in. Our first Christmas together he asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve. I accepted and was elated. He stopped talking to me from Christmas Day until New Year's for no reason. I cried and asked what was wrong only to be told that he just didn't feel like talking and stop asking stupid questions. I thought he was sorry he asked me to marry him or changed his mind. I thought maybe something aweful happened to him at Christmas and he was reminded of it and that would explain his behavior. Nope nothing happened. I figured out later that this was the first sign of the flip side of him and that once I accepted that ring and he said now you're committed he was comfortable showing his true colors.
I wish I could say this was one year or a couple of bad years, but this was every year. You could set a clock by it and I even mentioned it to him many times.
If this sounds like your Christmas too. You're not nuts and it's not you and no other people don't just act like this and asking are you okay what's wrong is not a stupid question.
Merry Christmas Everyone.

You are FAR from alone! I just posted this the other day on my A support board:
"I was just thiking about where i was at this time last year. Wow.
Yesterday a freind & his boyfreind (gay couple) came to visit. Chuck is a good freind of mine of 20+ yrs. He reminded me of last year - i had forgotten.
Not a prayer, but a positive thought for sure - i had to jump in on this one.
I am sitting here at my mom's, finishing up Christmas.
CL-Blueliner4