Give me the courage to do this (x-post)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2010
Give me the courage to do this (x-post)
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 12:33pm

I'm cross-posting from the divorce board...

The short story: J and I were coworkers for about four years.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 1:16pm
I think you need to contact your local DV agency, and you can maybe stay in a shelter when he is served. You should file for primary custody..have every incident documented. A lawyer should be able to draw up papers..make sure he/she is used to domestic abuse cases. All of the incidents need to be written out. You are being question about it. If your son is 2 months, most likely you will get primary custody. Oh, and before you file for divorce, take out half the money from the combined savings. Given his temper and the things you have written, he is likely to escalate and be prepared to file a restraining order.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 9:26pm

Hi user and welcome to the board.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for adryl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 3:16pm

I would recommend you documenting EVERYTHING.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 4:04pm
First, get documentation of the savings that you had in the account BEFORE you were married. Pull that amount into a separate account, plus half of the amount that has been deposited since you were married.

Second, call your local domestic violence shelter to get info on leaving, safety plans, legal advocacy, etc.

Third, ask him to leave, or you leave. If you can, get a temp restraining order and temporary orders for a divorce filed asap with visitation schedules and child support set. The legal advocate or your own lawyer will know how to do this. If he refuses to leave, you need to take your child, any valuables and all needed documents (the dv shelter will provide you with a list) with you.

This will start the whole process and hopefully keep you safe. You most likely cannot get a protective order with what you've told the board, but I would talk to the legal advocate/lawyer about it.

Note: Alot of abusers threaten to try to get custody. It's just a way to manipulate you. They most likely won't pursue it. And, if they do - they probably won't win.

Stay safe, listen to your local dv org's advice and yep - it's time to leave.

I know how hard it is to leave with a little child. My son was about 7/8 months when I left. It really sucks, but you adjust and life gets easier, especially when you are back in control.