Good freakin' lord!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Good freakin' lord!
15
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 10:56am

So, awhile back I had the "If you call again, I'm changing my number" with my mother. And, I was working with t-mobile to get her number blocked, which I'm having some problems with. All was well and good for a couple weeks. Then, Saturday at nearly midnight, she calls and leaves a mesage, saying that she wants to drop off a box of presents she bought for me and my son. (Including the ever-mysterious birthday present that was purchased about 7 months AFTER my birthday.) She said she was going to drop them off on my porch between 4am and 6am. Yes, that is AM.

In the message, she acted like there was absolutely nothing wrong, giving updates on the birds around her house and what she was doing for the weekend. I knew she was trying to bait me into calling her, so I didn't call back. I was exhausted anyways (she knows I go to bed around 9pm). But, my husband was up freaking out, jumping at every noise outside all night and so upset that he was wanting to confront her when she got there.

so when my phone rang at 6:30am, waking me up, DH was already awake. My mother left another message, this one saying something about not being able to come, but maybe coming in the middle of the next night or sometime later. And... so would call to keep me in the loop on what's going on. I'm kinda pissed. I'm talking with t-mobile again today to try to get her number blocked or my number changed, but they are being thoroughly unhelpful.

What the hell is going on? She just keeps calling?! Does she still not get it?!!! I'm so angry. Especially, now my husband can't sleep, I'm exhausted from keep getting woken up, and she really keeps acting like nothing has happened.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 12:08pm
Can you unplug or turn off the phone when you go to bed?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 12:12pm
I think I'm going to. Generally, I use it as my alarm clock, so I have to keep it on. But, I'm going to turn it off when I go to bed, and dig out my old alarm clock.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 1:08pm
I think you need to tell her that "trespassers will be prosecuted", and also you do not want her contacting you else you will file a restraining order against her. Tell her you are keeping an account of the times she is calling. She is NUTS ! See if she stops after you tell her that and be prepared to call the police..or get some legal aid advice in court. This is harrasment and you can file a report.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 1:53pm
I really hesitate to tell her anything more that I already have because she sees every little contact as my continuing the conversation. I feel a little trapped in that if I say ANYTHING it will be taken as continuing the dialogue. She is merely goading me to react. If I tell her that, it won't change a thing probably. She will just keep it going. She doesn't "get" that there is a problem here - no matter what I say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 1:58pm

Tell her there are prowlers in the neighborhood, and if you hear noises outside, you'll call the police.

Also, tell her UPS or FedX works real good, and during daylight hours.

Your mother is certifiable, and maybe you should call adult protective services to protect your father.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 2:40pm

Do not talk her, you are right. And you should turn off your phone so that your husband can relax. It doesn't matter if she comes to your porch in the middle of the night, even if she knocks on the door, you don't have to let her in. Period. Your husband should not confront her (that is also communications). You should completely ignore her, as you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 2:48pm
I've told him that too, but I think if she showed up at 4am and rang the doorbell - I'm not sure he could contain himself. He knows how tired I am with only a five 1/2 weeks left to this pregnancy and it would definitely wake up my son. I can definitely understand his frustration, and I've put a firm foot down on "no contact" which, while it might be hard - I hope he would respect - even at 4am.

And, another little thing on top of it, I get panic attacks when people come to the front door. I know, it's weird, but in my head I immediately think it's either my ex-husband or someone trying to break in. My son and I were in a bad late-night attempt at a home-invasion when someone tried to break in our front door a couple years ago. Luckily, the door held, but it takes me awhile to get the blood pressure back down even if someone just knocks in the middle of the day. She knows that... which, is part of why I think she's doing this. Yes, she is without a doubt certifiable.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 12:15am
Chipper, this is quite bizarre behavior. I realize there is a history here of dysfunctional interaction, but has it become markedly worse lately? I ask this because she may have an underlying medical condition, such as a small stroke, occluded carotid arteries, the beginning of dementia or Alzheimer's, etc. If she is already on a lot of meds, it could be that she's not taking them properly or she is being over-medicated. At any rate, if this bizarre escalation started suddenly, there could very well be a medical problem that is causing it. You know the history but I just thought I would point out that I've seen bizarre behavior in people before and it was medically related. Especially if it has gotten particularly worse in just the last few weeks or suddenly. Just something to think about, hon. If that's not the case, file police reports of the harassment, file for a restraining order, and then if the phone co. won't work with you, I think you can get out of the contract with no penalty due to them being unable to meet your need to stay safe. Good luck and keep us posted.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 1:24pm
She's always been that way, buts it gotten a little worse over the last 15 years - since my dad got really sick. My dad has mentioned that he thinks its dementia but she refuses to go to a doctor. She didn't take any meds until a year ago when she had a heart attack. Then, she has a bad reaction to a medication (statins, I think) that made her very violent. But my dad got her to stop taking them. I'm pretty sure this is all just her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 2:27pm
Ugh. Just now she started calling over and over again. I'm home sick today. On the fifth call and fourth voicemail, Dh answered the phone. Argh! He ask why she was calling. She said she needed to tell me that she would be coming by wed or Thursday in the middle of the night. He ask is that really room calling over an over. Sh said she missed me. That's hen I jumped in and said that I made it clear that I didn't want to hear from her. That's when she went a little nuts. Talking about how she can track me down no matter what and knows I'm being held captive and doesn't remeber my telling her not to call. Ugh. I'm so mad. Its so elevating the tension with answering the phone. I feel like its just made the situation worse.

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