Good morning

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Good morning
14
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 9:50am

Hey y'all, it's been a while since I've seen many of you and I'm wondering how you're doing.  With all the changes (and tech glitches that accompany said changes), traffic has slowed considerably.  Of course, I think about and wonder how each and every one of you is doing, if you're safe, at peace and making progress.  The most important thing I can stress right now is that if you're still having technical issues that you communicate this to iVill via this link:  http://www.ivillage.com/contact-us.

Meanwhile, make sure your preferences are set so that newest posts will appear first.  You can find the link up on the top right of your opening page under "edit my preferences". I PROMISE it's there.

So, let me hear from you all, posters and lurkers alike.  Now that the hustle and bustle of the holidays is over, we want to hear how things went for you all.  Y'all take care and please check in.



Mama Harmony

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 8:40pm

i am here. Not alot going on there and when ever I peek in I dont see anything. I hate that it is because people are having trouble logging in and posting and wish it was because life was was abuse free (sigh).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 1:27pm
Rolling with the peace. :-) I love the peace. The judge actually doesn't know that visitation has been cancelled. My attorney advised me to do this because the other party has dragged their feet on the order. A month later and we still do not have it. We cannot have our place of exchange try and follow the new order stating my oldest has a choice on whether or not he can go, if they do not have this order. He still had unsupervised visitation under the order. :/ So this is what is strange, the dragging feet, no phone calls. I will continue to 'Roll with the peace'. I love this saying :-) Thank you for the positive feedback. I appreciate this and need it because all I can see is we are still in flux. I don't know if this is the calm before the storm, or if he actually gave up.

 

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 10:58am

This ffrishinm-frashim new board format has got me leaving teeth marks in my desktop!  They have GOT to get this mess fixed! 

Jcsmom, that iS WONDERFUL news.  I'm so glad Kat and Geo chimed in (once they finally manageged to GET LOGGED IN, I feel your pain). The fact that the judge took into consideration the report from CPS and ordered THOSE TWO AND NOT  YOU to be evaluated tells us there are some pretty serious concerns about letting them have the kids unsupervised.  As an abuser, and a prideful one at that, he will probably not do well at the eval because they will ask him questions that punch his buttons. Also, they will probably drag their feet on returning the written questionnaires.  You will probably be sent a questionnaire about y'all's interactions, but they won't have you come in.  They'll compare the questionnaires,, IF they actually show up and make the appointments to have the eval done.  Sometimes this is a delaying tactic to not get it done in a timely manner. But that's okay because the judge has stopped the visitation until it's done.  Jcs, these are all GOOD things that are happening in your kids and your favor.  It may seem strange, but the judge is listening and is paying attention.  Hurray for that judge.  Just tell your truth, don't try to make anyone out to be anything they are/aren't.  This is all GOOD that happening for you and your kids.  Hang in and keep us posted.  Remember, every day that the kids don't have to deal with him, they heal and recover, and so do you.  Roll with the peace.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: geoteo
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 11:44am

That suggests that the court is listening, and the judge intends to do the best thing for the children.  It can take forever (remember Mama Harmony's story of R) but it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.  Have faith.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 11:18am
Well thankfully, I wasn't ordered to take the psyche evaluation (so I don't have to stress or worry about that :-)). The Ex and his wife were. They were also ordered to pay for it, no matter the cost. I was curious and had a bit of worry because they passed their alcohol assessments with flying colors. I think this judgment angered him. He is very prideful. Either way, it's an interesting twist here. We didn't ask for the psych eval to be done, the judge ordered it after CPS testified.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 11:08pm

Well it took 15 tries to get logged in...I sure hope they get this bug stuff fixed soon...sigh

I wanted to respond to the question regarding psychological evaluations....no you dont just go in and give a small sample of something and "pass" because you were good at bs....as a matter of fact, the more bs the person tries to pass the more likely to be assessed negativly...

I am qualified to to a psyc eval but I dont feel I am competent yet since I have not had much opportunity in training to learn the ropes...but we were given the opportunitiy to experiment on ourselves and each other with evaluating where we were at.

there are a ton of questions the person being evaluated has to answer...sometimes it is done face to face verbally, sometimes it is a questionaire they have to fill out and sometimes it is both....if there are concerns there will be a history taken, ie criminal records, friends, family, neighbors, employers questioned...etc...I doubt they will go that far with this psyc eval but it is a possibility if there are concerns...usually the concers that would trigger that deep of an eval would be if there was concern of safety of community....

If you have to do a psyc eval, be as honest as possible, think about the question before answering, possibly take a drink of water before answering each question just to give you time to think your answer through....dont be afraid if the answer "sounds crazy" if it is the truth...believe me there probably are crazier answers than the one you are giving...you dont want to paint a bad picture of anyone (even if that is what your gut tells you to do) but you dont have to paint him all roses either...just be honest....

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 7:42pm

A good family law attorney may be able to recommend one, there are people who specialize in what is called "custody evaluations".  These people don't do anything but psych evals on parents for custody issues and it's usually pretty darned hard to pull the wool over their eyes about much.  A lot its told to the evaluators simply in how completely, cooperatively and timely you reply to their inquiries and requests.  Hopefully, your own attorney should be able to recommend someone.  It's important that they specialize in custody evals or assessments.  Just be warned, they are pricey but everyone that I know who has gotten them were glad they did.  Showed up the abusers for what they really were.

I'm glad your attorney has stopped visitation and your kids and YOU  are getting a chance to rest and come to terms with how things are.  I hope there is healing going on and that the peace within your home continues to grow, safely and steadily. It's good to hear from you.  Keep us updated!

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 10:08am
Does anyone know what a psychological assessment is? I heard they cannot pass it like they did the alcohol assessment. That it is not yes or no answers. I have googled but cannot find what it is.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 10:05am

You all are so wonderful. Thank you for your support. In regards to the children, no one was appointed. My attorney advised me to cancel all further visitation because our designated exchange place was appointed by the court, and they cannot follow a phantom court order. At this point, I feel like he really has their best interest at heart, which I cannot say enough how much stress has been relieved there. My previous attorney caused me so much undue stress. During our last hearing, CPS testified to their findings of abuse, it was also judged that my ex AND his wife undergo an assesment (psychological) for abuse. He did get a tongue lashing from the stand in judge. I don't know if this is the reason for his disappearance. I can only assume. What I know right now is that my kids are safe, they have been with me. My oldest is finally feeling safe. The waiting is hard, but also has been peaceful, not having to worry about what's happening with the boys when they are with him.

 

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 8:15pm

Hello Jcs, it's good to see you.  You and several other posters have been on my mind lately, so I'm especially glad you checked in.  Regarding the tech issues we seem to continue to have, they are working on it.....There are days when I can come right in, post away, and other days I come in and can't even get it to let me sign in Frown .  I hope these issues are resolved soon and board traffic picks back up.  Not that I'm FOR having a lot of traffic, but I figure, the more who participate on a thread, with different views, opinions, etc, the better it will be because everyone can glean their own "nuggets" from it.

It has GOT to be so hard waiting for things to fall into place.  And to have to deal with an attorney who drags feet is just so aggravating and has its own set of challenges.  All you can really do is document everything or the LACK of things, such as promised phone calls, meetings missed and other delay tactics.  Eventually, especially if your attorney starts mentioning deliberate delays and lack of response by his attorney the judge is going to get tired of it all and issue an order.  Who is working on protecting the rights of the kids and allowing their voices to be heard?  Do they have a guardian ad litem or have they been placed with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates)?  I wish you all the best and that things speed up a bit.  Hang tough, sometimes that is simply the best you can do, just hang tough.  When you're ready to post an update, just start your own thread so we're sure to see it.  Thanks.  Hugs, it's tough right now.

Mama Harmony

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