Got the OP

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Got the OP
3
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:49pm
hi. well as you can see i did go and get the OP against my H. he is still in jail and will be for at least 2 months. i was ok for the first few minutes in court but then the judge had to go and find the OP so we had to wait. H was crying. he has only ever cried 2x's. once when his mom died and once when he couldnt see his dd.(differnet relationship) i felt and feel so bad. I know that i did the right thing, i think... my 5yr old son is upset at me because he said he wants to see daddy. i told him daddy was in time out for adults and he would see him again soon but am i lieing to my son? the advocate or whatever said that i can contact him third party about custody b/c the judge said so but he has no one and i have no one who would be willing to. i feel that maybe i did make a mistake. i mean, i dont want to be beat on and i want my children to grow up in a happy home but i also want them to know thier daddy.

i also start thinking about all that he has done and wonder why do i feel so bad inside. i feel stupid and confused and hurt and a whole bunch of other feelings. i thought that i would be ok and tried to go back to work only to break down before i even got to my bosses office. she reasured me and it helped but then again it didnt. i know i love myself enough not to get beat up on but i also care about my H. what do i do? i feel so alone. i tried to talk to my sister about it but she just gets stuck on the hitting part. she doesnt understand that this is not my BF, this is my H. the person i made vows to love, honor and charish through good, bad, richer poorer, sick and health. i vowed that before God and dint take it lightly. (although it took me about 5 sec to actually agree to those tems-say I do {smile})

he was suppose to do the same thing. i still wonder if there was something else i could have done to prevent any of it. probably not. i just wish that i could let him know that i still love him and want him to be happy. he knows that i want him to have a relationship with the boys because i told the judge that......i dont know. i want to be happy. i want him to be happy and most of all i want my children to be happy.

i start counseling on wed and this is a big help, i just wish it was easier and didnt have to be this way.

shay
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: shaytwin
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:18am

Hi Shay -


I'm going to hop around and try and cover several of the things you brought up, so I apologize if this is a bit disjointed:


Marriage vows are a sticking point with a lot (and I mean a LOT) of women who come here, and I count myself among them.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: shaytwin
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 9:11am

Good morning, all, stumbling down the stairs in search of coffee here.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shaytwin
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 11:33am
Shay,

We sound so much alike. the only difference is I dont have children with my husband. but we are feeling the same things when it comes to wanting to talk to them.. the wanting to love them still... I am not sure what we are to do. I want to talk to my dh so bad it hurts but I just keep calling my girlfriends to get through it. My family focuses on just the hitting part also... like you said he is my DH not a bf .. I made vows to this man just as you did to yours.. but does that give them the right to hit us to make us scared of what will happen next? I want my marriage to work but I dont want the pain anymore. I want the man I fell in love with back not the man he is now.

My husbands family is blaming me. His parents went through the same stuff when they got married and she just dealt with it.. she never fought back and she never ever called the police. It is to much of an embarrassment to the family. I have embarrassed them by calling the cops. It is going to be in the local paper and they dont want anyone to know. Yet a few years ago my dh went home and hit his dad and threatened to hit his mom and they had him arrested but it is different that it was them.

Well please know my thoughts are with you and if you want to email me send me your email address and I will get you mine or I can call you on the phone if you want to talk. I need friends. In all this I have lost all my friends. I thought I had lost my family but they are all still supporting me, just in their own ways.

Huge Hugs to you

Shell