got out, now want to be left alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
got out, now want to be left alone
Sat, 05-21-2011 - 4:34pm

I posted on here in February and March about leaving.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 12:26am

Check with the police to see if you can get a restraining order for harassment against him.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 10:49am

Ok..I have been told that a pet is like a furniture. Once you take it, it is yours. He had enough opportunity to take the dog and he didn't. He wants a dog, he can get another one. You dont owe him anything. If he continues to harrass you, talk to a lawyer about a restraining order. I agree with changing phone numbers. You have no kids with him..there is no need to keep in touch. He wants the dog so bad..he can file some legal motion. until then, you are in no way obligated. Stay safe.

Keep all records of his communication in case you need to file a RO. Now I am assuming you do want the dog. If you dont care either way, you can offer it to him last time and be done with him. There is never any custody/visitation with doesn't work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 5:18pm

I definately want the dog.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 7:20pm
Honestly it's not about the dogs. It's his way of creeping back into your life. Try to remove the dogs from the equation and realize that this is all a tactic!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 7:21pm
Good for you for getting her spayed too!
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 2:13pm


Kudos to you for maintaining NO Contact.

He is desperately trying to iniate it resorting to whatever means...

One thing I learned when I got out of mine (Abusive Relationship) is that I owe him nothing and he is not entitled to know anything about me or my Life now.

How Empowering!

I would ask ask about an order if you don't already have one.

I have felt like that "An Anxious Mess" but it does get better.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 8:04pm
I figured it was not about the dogs. I want to say to him, you know, I thought I was so stupid, and such an "F" up, and crazy, and a baby, and I can't do anything right, and I act like a 3 year old.....why would you want to be around someone like this? If I am all those things and more, why would he want to be in my life?

I won't b/c i know that it wil ljust add fuel to the fire. He honestly doesn't think he did anything wrong. He honestly thinks that I have made all of this up. I once asked him why he spoke to me that way and he said he had to b/c that was the ony way i listened. he justified it. He grabbed my dog's ear once when he wouldn't listen and when he cried, and I yelled at him, he said that he didn't hurt him, he is just a a baby.

I use to believe that his ex wife was bitter and that is why she kept the kids from him. I believed what he said. I dont anymore. I am 100 percent convinced he was physically and/or verbally abusive to them and that is why she keeps them from him. I believe that. He told me this person was that, or this ex did that. I believed him. They were crazy and he was the good one. Boy what a mistake I made. I feel so stupid.

He wanted to come over when my mom was in town. This was right after I moved out when I was still answering the phone. When I told him no, he was confused, he said that we ended on good terms and my mom had no reason not to like him. I don't know if he is just in denial, lying to himself, or just that mentally ill where he doesn't or can't see his behavior.

I wanted to say, my parents hate you. They hate everything about you. My dad brought a gun to the house for moving day b/c they had no idea what was going to happy.

I was over all fo this. or so I thought.

His emails, texts, calls, just opens wounds and I am very angry right now. I am so mad that I feel like I have to look over my shoulder. I walk out of my house and look around ot see if he is there. I walk out of my work building and look around to see if he is there.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 11:57pm

Phili, there is

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 05-24-2011 - 2:17pm

He is blocked on facebook and emails.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Tue, 05-24-2011 - 3:31pm


I was reading your posts and read the part about you getting the silent treatment. I have done a lot of reading on these boards and unless I missed something this is the first time that I have actually heard someone else say they went got this. I have read books that talk about silent treatments, though. It is an awful thing to go for days not being spoken to and wonder what you did wrong.

I am still in the midst of my divorce, but I can agree that no contact is the best thing. It is hard to do this, because my emotions were always dependent on how he was feeling. But, I think he got the point, because I have not heard from him in a couple of days. He told me off and told me that he "forgave me".

I hope you do well and keep posting here. I can't offer much advice since I am still trying to deal with everything, but I can say the women who post replies on here are so encouraging and strong. They will give you the strength and affirmations you need.