Is the guy losing his mind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Is the guy losing his mind?
3
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 12:17am

During our court on the divorce this tuesday, he argued with the judge about the next court date on 5 April, saying he will be working that day. (keeping in mind he said earlier that session he had no job, no possibility for a job, and wanted spousal support) The work he referred to was a job at my place of employment. Only last month did the security department and personnel department bar him from the premises saying he was dangerous. But still, in a panic I called them again and asked if he did somehow get a job. Think how horrifying it would be to have him in the same building...... They insisted there was no job offer and they never would offer him one. But this guy was even giving the date of his first day at work! Why would he say that when he called both personnel and security only to be told this same thing. They later told me he yelled at them and said they cannot deny him a job. Is this guy going to show up anyway on the first day of his imaginary job, only to go ballistic in front of the security?

Combine this with other things like him being told by the judge himself he has no entitlement to spousal support being he made as much as me and still can. Yet at the end of the session declares to everyone he is filing.

Before he left to the US in November, he had shut himself in the broom closet in the kitchen and stood there crying in the dark. He wrote a letter supposedly from my 4 year old son and taped it on the front door of the house for all the neighbors to see after he returned here in December. It said 'please call me papa'. He also slept in my son's bed while we were gone from the house. He is contradicting himself even in the same sentence now days and doesn't seem to notice. He yells at the judge and doesn't seem to think that is a problem. He demands to see my son, and yet blows off further visits because he doesn't have time I guess. He brags about how much money he is making in the US but then says he has no work here and is not capable of working because nobody will hire him. He denies ever hurting me physically, then tells the judge he has kicked me in anger but because I deserved it. He says he has never touched a drop of alcohol (oh, besides one beer maybe once or twice a week) since highschool and yet he is an alcoholic taking in as many as a case an evening.

Finally, what's up with his attorney, arguing with him on so many irrational points? Even my attorney has commented that she wonders where she got her degree for law. It is becoming accutely clear that she really doesn't know what she is doing. And then strangly my attorney pointed out this court session that the woman is pregnant. I was in a mood and smarted back 'do you think it is his?' We both looked at eachother in surprise for a moment, then brushed it off. Oh dang, I don't want to go there........

I have just come to realize that he probably cheated on me numerous times. All these years I thought that was one thing he would never do. But then as I spoke to the counselor and the lawyer, I realized, 'wow, why else would he be that way'. For instance, I opened a nude photo of one of his co-workers on the email one time. She was sending it to him and inviting him over. I got upset and asked why, he said she was just an innocent flirt. Two or three days later he went to her place to help her move during the weekend. Didn't ask me either, just said he was the only one with a truck so he had to. I also found lingere in the bedroom which was clearly not mine (oh, actually 3 times during our marriage). I approached him on it. I think that was when he ripped the door off its hinges out of anger that I would argue with him about it. He said it was from an ex-girlfriend back in highschool some 8 years before we were married. He was always telling me about how women wanted him and would flirt with him. I wondered why he did, and perhaps he wanted me to be jealous, but I trusted him. After all, he said he was flattered but couldn't possibly be interested, so I guess I believed him. But now, am I hurt? No, just angry someone probably got the better of me because I was trusting. If he has someone else now, then pity to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 12:53am

Short answer - he lost it a looooooong time ago.


Do I think he's going to show up?

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 11:25am

I couldn't help but laugh at your reply blue. Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that from someone other than relatives. People have been telling me he was loony for a long time. I even said it often myself. Guilt made me avoid confronting that problem though, but that is quickly fading by hearing it come from others such as yourself.

Well, I am completely embarrassed now for having picked one like this. I hope nobody thinks I am a few cards short of a full deck too, for putting up with things this long. I spent especially the last two years hanging my head in humiliation around the people who asked me why I was still with him. What was I thinking?! I think you are probably right, that I am very, very lucky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 10:01pm

He seems a little too comfortable with trying to deceive people. I mean, his lies aren't even good ones. I know a guy who lies about how rich he is and where he works (he's unemployed and wears a fancy suit he can't pay for) and he will say he works where I work, because he didn't put any forethought into his lie. It's like the question comes up and his brain goes, "I have to work....um, quick, think of a place in which people work!"

By the way, I think naked photos goes well beyond harmless flirtation, and lingerie doesn't materialize out of nowhere. I'm sure you know that, but I get aggravated when men lie to women. It wears down the trust that women have in all men, so the honest ones have to work hard to break through the stereotype.

And don't feel bad. Many of us have been in relationships where we refuse to see the forest for the trees. I remember realizing once that the person I loved was the person she showed herself as being, and not the real person beneath those layers. It takes a lot of getting clubbed over the head before that sinks in.

The good news is that he's grown so comfortable with lying that he's making an ass of himself in public and, like has been said, he will get his.