Happy New Year Everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Happy New Year Everyone
12
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 4:25pm

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and every day is full of joy and happiness.  Its been quite a while since I visited this board.  At many points I was here almost every working day.  I guess, like many of you, my life was hell and I took it out of almost everyone.  But since my husband died, so much has changed for me.  Ladies, smile when you want to cry. Try to find happiness in something.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Things will change.  I hope for all of you, the change will be for the best.

I find that music makes me happy. So, I'm always listening to music and dancing and singing.  Please, find what makes you happy. Love life, try to concentrate on what you love on what makes you happy. Smile always. 

It took me many days before I found happiness but by God's grace, I found it.  Now, I can say Life is good.  I can't believe how much I missed, but now that I have happiness, no one will take it away.  It is true, Love changes everything.  But people who are wife beaters can't be loved and they can't be happy.  So don't waste your time thinking that your love will change them. I was there, did that. It didn't work. God took that person out of my life and I'm very, very happy.

All my love, peace and joy to you

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 10:02pm

~hugs~

<3

Nightangel
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 10:18pm

Thank you for the lovely thoughts, Funbuz.  It has been a while since we've heard from you.  I hope things are going well for you and that your New Year is filled with peace and prosperity. And I wish the same for all our other members and lurkers.  Here's to the New Year, may she be a darned sight better than the old one!

Mama Harmony

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 6:34pm

Amen!...or rather Awomen!!!...;)

You got that right!

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 12:34pm

Hi everyone/

I didnt want to start a new thread so may I say something here?? You know what I am finally realizing since being out of abuse since 2006 is that even when My ex was in the same state and we werent together yet we were both in the same area it still felt like he could get to me or something.. Like still get to my mind and psyche and all.. Well now that he has movied to a totally different state I am feeling a relief that is beyond unbelievable and knowing that I have been surviving since I left him.. My life has had its ups and downs and I struggle on a good day but I still would not have traded leaving him for anything in the world.. My lessons were hard and I am still learning them yet they are so much more intuned with who I am as a person.. I never realized how much he made me feel like being me was not right and now I am finally loving myself more and more and that took awhile.. and I am the best person for now that I can be and still learning and studying and finding new things that give me joy and no one can take that away from me anymore. I just wont let them (lol)

What I cant believe is how long it takes to really feel good and free and not brainwashed anymore.. I still might get some flashbacks bu tthey are so few and far between and last for about a minute that it doesnt really affect me anymore..

I dont like to say Happy New Year because I take one day at a time so I will say here is to life and love and the Pursuit of Happiness and hopefully A Happy Day for all.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 2:01pm

Dear Free,

It takes a while to not remember all the crap that your ex told you, but one day you will.  I found that I had to move on and forgive my husband for all the things he did to me.  I did it to move on. I also had to forgive myself for tolerating it for so long. I can finally look myself in the mirror and smile and love me. I found out that I'm a good person and very loving and forgiving.  I'm sure, you are too. Let go of the past, embrace the future with open arms and love everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 10:19pm

I hope everyone had a nice New Years. I did. Mearing two house holds together and working though the kinks so havent been on the computer a whole lot. The ex boyfriend and I worked things out and he finally finished moving in last month. What an adjustment!! YIKES!! But things are going good so it will be ok.

My oldest isn't the happiest about it because of things in the past but she is coming around slowly and the othe three are ok with it.

The most shocking part is how ok with this DS is!! I started dating someone else and while I did that DS turned to V to compalin about me and for advice about his own love life (ds went to him on his own V was not using DS to get to me I didnt even know they were talking at first) and DS helped convince me that this was the right choice.

 Like I said its an adjustment but I am happy and so far things are good and we had a nice quiet New Years (New Years is our holiday, this was the 6th in a row that we celebated together)

 

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 9:03am

Wow, Brat, that explains a lot now, lol!  I'm glad y'all got things worked out and I wish you all the best.  I've been enjoying my holidays as well, but I got bopped with the confusion stick myself, lol.  My friend, who I've been seeing off and on (long story) for the last 38 years, reappeared in my life a few months ago.  It was/is just like it's always been, no declarations of love, committment, not even acknowledging "dating" so to speak.  Then he goes and gives me a beautiful little diamond ribbon pendant for Christmas. WTH??? So now I'm wondering if he's trying to tell me something but just can't do it, or if it's a nice gesture from a dear friend.  I mean, diamonds????  To me, that's not a "just friends" gift.  Or am I reading more into this than I should?  See, this is one of the toughest parts of moving on from DV, we are hypercautious when it comes to relationships, and can often misconstrue or read the wrong message.  I just wish I had the guts to simply ask him.  Knowing him, he would tell me he thought it was pretty and that is was also  "On Sale", lol, and I would feel like an idiot.  There's a part of me that says yes, yes, yes, I want MORE with this guy, and there's a part of me that is leaving big deep ruts in the ground as I'm screaming whoa, whoa, whoa!  He is not in any way abusive.  In fact, when we got back together and I told him about what had happened, he was ready to go kill the ex until I explained he was already dead!  But, as wonderful as he is, he's not even close to being marriage material or live with material.  Heck, I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.  Anyone got any clues they can share with me? 

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 10:42pm

That is a tough one Harmony. I would think like you that he wants more but with men you never know what they are thinking for sure. Then you add DV to that and how we second guess everything and I have no idea. You know him better then we do and I am of no help. I would suggest to go with the flow and see what happens but I can't picture you being able to to that and have a feeling you will ask him. Don't feel like an idiot either way we are wired to think differently then men do and that is why things like this happen. If they would learn to just tell us what they are thinking and feeling and want all this mess would be avoided (I know with V this is the truth and why we have promised to talk about things before we react).

Thank you Harmony. I was wrong about my oldest coming around. We had a huge fight today and I am at a lose on what to do. I do not understand why she is acting the way she is but hopefully she will come around in time. I know he hurt me but unlike the abusers in my life he takes full blame for what went wrong and we have really talked about everything and we will see where things go from here. I am heart broken over how my oldest is reacting but not going back on things now so we will figure it all out.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 1:19pm

LOL, Brat, I just can't bring myself to ask him.  I've suddenly gotten a case of the "shy's". So I've decided to just "go with the flow" and see what happens.

How are things with dd these days, has she come off the ceiling yet?  I'm also replying to give my "solution" to this non-floating post response idea a shot.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 4:40pm

she goes back and forth. One day she seems ok but then something happens and bam. We had a huge fight last Sunday but since then things have been ok and we actully had a nice talk last night.

I would probably handle it the sae way you are. Oh wait I did and then would get upset over things I shouldn't hve since we were going with the flow, lol. Good luck

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