Hard to stay out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Hard to stay out
4
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:53pm
Hi all
I managed to do NC for 9 days. He hasn't even tried to call. I guess the police did scare him. I don't know why, but I expected a call from him apologizing. I guess he thinks I am to blame.
I've been thinking about the whole sexual abuse thing like in the other thread. He told my Mom I was addicted to sex. When I think about it, I remember all the times I just did it with him so he wouldn't be upset, and the requests he made which made me uncomfortable. This is a case of putting his problems on me.
I want to call him and say, "How could you have done all those things to me?" ( the anger and destruction and nasty things he told my Mom) I know that I can't and have used self-control all weekend. Did any of you still feel love for your partner after you broke it off? Its crazy to feel for someone after they treat you bad. I also worry about him blaming me and hating me. This is hard to get over. People keep telling me I should be happy I am out of the relationship. Now I know why I kept going back. It also hurts to stay out! I know I sound like a broken record, sorry.
Strong
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 10:16pm

The only "love" I felt for my partner after getting out was how much I would love to see him get hit by a bus, but if you read any amount of the posts here you will see that I am in the tiny minority. This is a very common feeling, and part of the reason why we preach No Contact; it's easier to get rid of if you're not still in contact with the abuser.

Here's something to try. Sit down, and make a list of the good things about him, and then make another list of the bad things he has done/about him. I am guessing that the latter list is going to exceed the former. If so, think about what that means.

And keep up on NO CONTACT- you're doing great so far!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:35am
strong...the hurt of staying out is only temporary. The hurt you would endure staying in would be ongoing. You can make it through this time. You have to go through the pain to get to the other side. I promise you...it will subside if you maintain no contact and keep moving yourself forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:24pm
I just got the estimate from the insurance company for the damage he did--- over $3000. I can't understand how a person cannot feel remorse for such awful things. I feel bad for the times I wasn't patient and was played into his nonsense. Also for the times I did do something that wasn't a good decision, or hurt him. I have a hard time with all the web sites that say, "It's not your fault." I know that i am not perfect either and have a long way to go. I should have been working on myself these past 7 yrs. At the time, I didn't realize all the complications of relationships (especially after a divorce)>
Strong
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:13pm

Strong, you're definitely living up to your name.