Has anyone ever been in a Wom. Shelter?
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Has anyone ever been in a Wom. Shelter?
| Tue, 05-24-2005 - 1:40pm |
How were your experiences there?
I know that it is supposed to be for women who are fearful of staying in their own homes, but sometimes living with someone who is not physically but emotionally and verbally abusive can make it impossible to flourish in your own home. The counselour on the phone assured me that she thinks the situation I am in is the right one for coming in to the shelter.
I am afraid to go, afraid to expose my children to this. But my husband is making it impossible to stay. If you could tell me if some of you were there, how were your experiences?
I know that it is supposed to be for women who are fearful of staying in their own homes, but sometimes living with someone who is not physically but emotionally and verbally abusive can make it impossible to flourish in your own home. The counselour on the phone assured me that she thinks the situation I am in is the right one for coming in to the shelter.
I am afraid to go, afraid to expose my children to this. But my husband is making it impossible to stay. If you could tell me if some of you were there, how were your experiences?

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I feel that if I would have continued to stay here in the home, it would have felt oppressive, since we don't have effective communication between us. But I do feel that now that I am planning to leave, things will vastly improve.
I want him to have good communication with the girls and once we are no longer together, I can see this happening. What has spoiled things, I think has been such a bad chemistry between us.
I do think that once we leave, he will be a much better father.
I am in no way excusing anything here but just wanted to say that I have a great relationship with the girls and I think have effectively guiding them. And now, it has gotten to the point, that if I don't leave, it will have long-lasting affects on them. But up till now, that has not been the case. Just wanted to clear things up.
Are you saying, that they don't encounter women that have suffered silently for years, and their kids are happy children? That is hard to believe. Maybe it isn't, because a lot of women like this probably either just get a divorce and/or go live with family members. I have no qualms for them to meet my kids, they will see for themselves. But I am glad that you posted this, because I am definitely going to try as hard as I can now to get a job quick, and to just apply for help if I need it. You have opened up my eyes. I wanted to take a tour of the shelter but it is prohibited. I know if I could just get one look, it would satisfy me. My story is of the good-hearted neglected wife who is crazy about her kids and has tried to do everything to keep the family together. How in the world can that ever be distorted? If that was the case then this is how it would go:
Just from people I know:
1) A good friend who is a very nice person but does not get along with her husband, she'd be in this category.
2) Another friend that I mentioned who has a happy home on the outside but her husband has intimacy problems and verbally abuses her when they are alone.
3) A friend who never got along with her husband, found out he was cheating on her, and then he left her.
4) A couple next door to me who both work long hours and I know have been fighting a lot and have gotten into some physical fights as well near their children.
5) A woman who has serious trust issues with her husband and although they manage to raise lovely children, without the help of her pastor, I think she would have left him a long time ago.
There is a a sliding scale of abuse in all of these relationships, is there not?
Not that I am comparing this in any way, but where do you find perfect people? Perfection to me is when two people love eachother, work on their problems and have good communication skills. That is as perfect as you can get. So, how can a mother who has had her self-esteem eroded from her husband (after trying to work on it for years), how can this situation be distorted? It makes no sense to me. But I know they most likely have the skills (for the most part) to see the difference, for G-Ds sake. It is almost like you are saying, you have been a part of an emotionally destructive relationship, and although you have functioned and have raised great kids, intact, and provided them with a loving home, you need to be punished. I am not saying you are saying that, but in effect that that is the way they look at things. I am going to do everything in my power to avoid this and just get a job quick! It is so sad that there are no 'transition' homes for women who are on the right track, and everything else is in place, to go from there to being on their own. So many things are just too black and white. Not enough greys...
Anyway, thanks for the well-needed advice! Please post back if you can.
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