Has anyone ever done this, to get out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Has anyone ever done this, to get out?
2
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:51pm
Hello,

Has anyone ever just gotten up and left their abusive situation? Just left everything behind: the home they owned, etc.

I'm thinking of it. I know this will mean my credit is ruined, because the bank will take over my house (it's in my name solely). I can go to another location and work at my same company, thank god. But I want to walk away from the house, all that is in it, and the abuser.

I have considered all options. I cannot afford to move out and rent an apartment and pay the mortgage at the same time. The person will not vacate my home. The police are "good old boys" who believe anything my "abuser" tells them ; they feel sorry for him because he has a disability. It is me they punish. He has lied to police and judges. To get an RO, means going before a judge to explain why I want it, and that gives him an opportunity to lie and take one out against me. If I try to sell my house while we are both still there (which I did try), he became infuriated and ripped the For Sale sign out of the ground and threw into the street. He is desperate to remain in this house because he has no place go to go.

I don't want to have any discussions about why I left, etc. I just want to leave and never look back.

if anyone has done this, can you tell me how it impacted you financially? With your credit? IF ONLY there were a "witness protection program" for abused women who flee....

thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 7:04pm

Hi Kelley -


Legally, he has no right to stay in your house if you are the sole owner (regardless of him having nowhere to go).

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:49pm
Hi Kelly. I found myself in a simular situation when I left my abuser. I just wanted to leave and it got to a point where I didn't care what I left behind. It was my house and still is. I fought for it. I did walk away from it though. For about 3 weeks I stayed at my parents and payed for bills I was no longer using to keep my name clean. But, Blue is right. You CAN make him leave. Speaking from experience. It's not easy but it can happen. Only if it's what you really want. Once I moved back into my house I had to get a TRO and kept it for almost 3 months...until I felt safe. You have options. Educate yourself!! Know exactly what you can and can't do and then make your decision. Once you make that decision go back and find the safest way to carry out your plan. "Safety Plan" I had one. It does work. Good luck and keep us posted.

Mel