Has Anyone Had Success w/ Change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Has Anyone Had Success w/ Change?
1
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:48am

I am slowly getting out of this relationship. Almost 3 years of straight hell. He's been given countless chances..sobs, so sorry..and a minute later it's on again. I think what has kept me so long is the awesome sex life. Sux so bad that the best sex ever is w/ an awful person. The past 8 months have gotten worse. Not physical, total emotional. I can't take it anymore- name calling, threats on everyone, threats on me..it is just so incredibly BAD. And I want him to leave me alone. I want peace. I want to heal. So now he's resorted to FINALLY going to intense therapy for abusers. I begged him forever. One rule w/ this program is to not communicate w/ me..and he ignored that rule. I hate to think he can change..the 2% of him that is a decent human being is awesome..but I don't believe in him and have no hope.

Anyone ever have luck w/ "Baby, one more chance and I'll show you I'll change" and it's happened?

I have saved him many times from going back to jail. I'm tired of waiting for change. Everything he says I've heard before. I want to save myself now.

Thoughts appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 5:46am

I'm sorry to say that my ex husband never changed...except for the worse. People can change, however it takes a lot of self-determination and hard work and doesn't happen overnight. Unfortunately the majority of leopards don't change their spots.

You've been more than patient waiting for him to shape up. He doesn't deserve a wonderful woman like you who has been there for him for so long and pulled him out of the messes he's created.