Has the game changed?

Avatar for ples62
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Has the game changed?
5
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 10:23pm
I made plans to go to a seminar today with a sil - about a month ago. When I told dh that I was going he said in a joking voice - no your not. I said, yes I am, I already told her I would go. He didn't say anything else. So then sil and I decided to have lunch after the seminar. Told him. He was ok.

Go to the seminar. He went mountain biking with a friend. Son was at cousins. At 2:15 my son calls, says he has to be picked up by 3 and dad doesn't answer his phone. I said I'd be there as soon as I could, if they had to leave, wait outside, I was on my way. 10 minutes later he calls back and says Uncle got home and gave him a ride home, dad was here, but outside. I spoke with dh, said I was going to stay and have lunch with sil then visit a few of the shops. He says OK. (????)

Get home, decide to go to restaurant that dd works at, he says ok (not something he usually does), on the way to dinner I comment about being tired. He said, "you did a lot today and were up early. You need to do things for yourself. It's good for you. You don't do that very often." Whats up with that?? Normally he'd be saying 'what took you so long?' And pouting or sulking until I apologize and go sit with him.

Just when I think I'm ready to go, he does this. GO figure. I know, this probably isn't permanent, it is probably just another way to keep me hanging on a while longer.

This is the nice guy that I'd would like to have around - but you know what - I still am turned off by him. He put his hand on my leg while I was driving to dinner and it sent chills through me. It's as I have said before - his hugs and his attention towards me are not for me, they are for him. They are to make him feel better. It isn't for me.

Ok, so tell me - change in the game plans - right? Another tactic to hook me for a bit longer. time will prove that to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 11:55pm

Could be tactic to make you hold on longer.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 7:08am
Hey Pam,

Cheryl is right. There will always be good times mixed in with the bad. That is what makes everything so frustrating. You can never walk into your own door knowing what to expect. You should be able to walk through the door of your home without anticipating how you will need to act. I remember coming home from work every day, driving down the lane to my house worried about what I would find there. What crisis happened while I was gone. If Wendell wasn't taking Joe to some wrestling thing, he would be sitting there waiting for me. Never ask how my day was. In fact I could have been having a torrid affair for 8 hours each day and he would have never known...gee, see what I missed? All I knew was that if he was there smiling, he wanted something that evening. The choice is yours.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 7:09am
Hi there. My h is doing something similar right now--he's done two nice things for me in the past few days. I don't know if he thinks he's won, so he's rewarding me for business as usual, or if he's setting me up by earning brownie points. The basic disrespect is still there, though--it peeked through yesterday when we were talking about anti-whining strategy for our two-year-old. Or actually I was talking and he was looking at me with a sneer and saying, 'yes, sir'. What did you do with the hand on you leg, and what did he do?

Something I read said that being nice isn't a sign of change. They can be as nice as anyone, but if the underlying attitudes and beliefs don't change, there will come a time when nice turns ugly.

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anonymous user
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 2:20pm
My H has done this many times in our M and I almost always knew he wanted something for him in return....usually a purchase a lot more expensive then mine. Friday he got into one of his "moods" where he decided to be cool to me and otherwise ignore me so I will go to him and ask "Gee whats wrong?" So I chose to ignore him too. I went to the grocery store and asked him what he wanted me to cook him for Fathers Day and he just looked at the tv and said "surprise me" SO I bought what I WANTED to eat. Came home pissed off and just so tired of this kind of crap. Finally after a couple beers I was pissed enough to sit down and with an exasperated tone asked him what was up. He was pissed I came home from my office is little shorts telling him I had talked with our head business broker about me switching from residential to business sales. I just ran into the office to call overseas and he cornered me to talk about that. He is our neighbor too and there is never anyone in the office on Fridays so it really wasn't a big deal. He hates this co I work for , he thinks I will find a rich investor and leave him. He doesn't want me to make TOO much money but complained that I haven't made enough yet. He got it all off his chest and immediately was in a great mood. I on the other hand couldn't help but think the underlying problems are still ther and the talk did nothing

I have a two year plan here... and I will get finacially independent of him

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 6:18pm

Be wary of the good things because there will always be hidden meanings or even a hidden agenda behind them.