this has got to stop

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
this has got to stop
8
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 10:22am
hi to everyone. i thank you all for your advice and thoughts. i am worn out. i haven't been able to sleep or eat right in so long. i am sorry for complaining. i am trying not to let him rule my life but he still is. he cornered me outside a mall last week punched me in the face, slammed my head on the ground and kicked me. Well he was sent back to jail. i got 30 some stitches on my head and Thank god that i don't have to worry about him hurting me for a while. What still scares me is eventually he will be out, he will be looking for me again and what will he do next time. i thought i was a little safer where i was staying (not where i was the last time i wrote). i just want to curl up and cry all day, i think that i will never get on with life. i broke away from him to start to live a life that i wasnt allowed to when i was with him, yet i still can't live really. You guys were right a long time ago when you said i can't handle him on my own. i don't know, it's hard not to give up hope sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:18am
JJ,

Take this time while he is in jail to take care of yourself. Also, you know he will evetually get out so try to make another safety plan. You have been through so much. Enjoy your peace and work on trying to find a place where you can continue to heal without the threat of him. You may have to consider moving completely away from that area.

Hugs,

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:23am
JJ,

I feel for you so much. I know you are afraid. Take this time when you know he can't find you to really make your plans. You need to take your safety first.

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:47pm
jj...I'm so sorry you're going through this.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 9:56am
I am so sorry he did this to you JJ.
Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:05am
Hugs jj! I am so sorry to hear that this happened. It's time you contact your legal counsel or find some through the shelters and get a permanent RO against this man. You need to concentrate on seeking help to protect yourself so that you can start to heal.

We all curl up and cry at times, but you also must take a pro-activist attitude that he will not do this again to you. Don't allow yourself to see no hope,,,,instead get totally pissed and do something legally so that he is kept away from you.

As long as you allow yourself to fall victim to him or anyone who would abuse you, you will not be able to find the strength to fight this. We all totally relate because we all had at sometime had to find that point where we say "No More!"

It's in you jj,,don't let anyone keep you in shadows,,you deserve to grow and thrive in the sunlight of life.

An interesting thing I learned while working construction,,if there are any seeds of grass under a newly paved driveway,,the grass will find a way through in time and the driveway will break apart. If pavement can't stop grass from finding it's way through,,then this animal should not be able to hold you down either.

Grow jj,,you may not know how strong you are, but you are stronger than you are allowed to think.

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:15pm
i really thank you all for your responses. i want to be strong i do, i hope to be. i don't want to be scared anymore. He's on my mind all the time. When that happened i was so offgaurd. i do have peppar spray, on my key ring. He stepped out in front of me next to where i was parked and i froze. i couldn't scream or move. i am not anywhere close to home, i am in another state completely. He came all the way here to find me, how he even knew i am not sure. i think he said something like if i am not with him then i don't deserve to live because i am ruining our lives. i dont remember for sure but it was something like that. i never thought it would be like this.
Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 7:24am
Hugs jj! You need to seriously start working with an abuse counselor jj. You need to start learning how not to be scared, how not to constantly think about him and what he is doing to you or this terror will not let you go.

He probably is tracking you through your circle of friends and family. Someone is passing along your location and it could be that they are not even thinking they are. Someone could have told him, "Look, she's not even around here anymore, she had to leave and go try to settle in Anytown because of you. Leave her alone" When dealing with abuse, we learn that abusers can find shreds of information in every little place. It could be as simple as he knows no matter where you might live, you always go to this one mall, to these certain stores because this is your behaviour pattern. This is why we stress so much on learning all that you can,,to put in place RO's and stick to them. We talk with the police to learn what and where he is and if he's breaking the RO.


You can break free of him jj, but you can't do it by just wishing he would leave you alone. He is dangerous, he is still threatening your life, you have to get together a qualified abuse defense team to look out for you. The shelters and police are a good place to start. If someone is telling you that you don't have to worry,,tell them that you do. Don't settle for just kind words, you need a support system around you.

It's not fair that we are the ones who have to change our behaviour to elude our abusers.

It's not fair that we have to walk scared everywhere we go. But it is also our rights to live free of them, to not have to walk scared and only we can change that by becoming our own best friend and protector.

As long as he keeps you scared, he is still abusing you. He has you thinking so much of him that you can think of little else, this is still abuse. You cannot do this alone because you do not know all of the resources at your disposal. Please start seeking the help of the shelters, the police and any other trained abuse people to help you get your life back and allow you to breathe freely again.

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 10:05am

This man is dangerous JJ, as Buff stated, you need to go local shelters and local police and get law enforcement on your side.