Haven't been here in a while...a few ?'s
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Haven't been here in a while...a few ?'s
| Mon, 03-06-2006 - 4:39pm |
Hello everyone! I haven't posted here in a long time...I have been divorced for almost four years now, was married for nine years to a major jerk. Very emotionally abusive and controlling, and I left when it started to get physical. He didn't fight over custody at all at the time of our divorce. Now, however, is a different issue. He says he realizes he made mistakes (he said it was being emotionally absent, I told him our marriage would have lasted longer if that had been his real issue, made him mad, all my fault of course) but there is no need to get help because realizing your mistakes is all you need to correct them. ???? I don't agree. But anyway, now he wants ONE of our TWO children to live with him. In the past four years he has had a potential of 29 weeks of visitation (less than normal because of military deployments) and only took 11. I also offered him a long weekend in Feb. and spring break this year because he had been deployed for a year, and he declined both. Also has declined this coming summer, as well. Convinced he won't need visitation because DS#1 will move in with him in June, I guess ignoring any visitation with DS#2. Anyway, my big problem is that he is not involving the courts and is just going through our son. He is almost 13, but in the state we live, kids don't get a say unless it is a "tie-breaker" sort of situation, which this isn't. It involves uprooting him from his home of 7 years to move across the United STate to live with a man he has seen for 11 weeks in the past four years. Phone call visits are sporadic and, quite honestly, timed for when we are not home so he can scream nasty messages at me for not allowing him to talk to his kids. When kids call back, no answer.
Anyway, I am not really that concerned about him actually winning custody, even if he does decide to waste his money and go to court over it. However, he won't back off our son, who now is refusing to talk to his dad on the phone because his dad keeps telling him he needs to grow up and choose between his parents. I won't force him to talk to him, but he is allowed to talk anytime he wants. So my lawyer drafted contempt paperwork and he will be served within the next week for this, our custody papers say specifically that he won't discuss any custody issues with the children and won't badmouth me to them (has has told our son I have stolen a lot of money from him and will be going to jail, all lies, but says he was trying to protect our son from being scared from herds of police constantly around the house. Never happened, and he never mentioned anything to DS#2 about any of it). Has anyone ever done this, and what can I expect? It is my understanding that he will be required to appear in court here, in the state where the order is filed and the kids live, which is a three day drive. Can he somehow not show and just have a lawyer present? Due to his anger issues, I want him there in person. That way the judge will know who he really is. Also, is it reasonable to get a RO on someone living in another state? Because history has shown that once he is served he will start making direct threats, and I am done playing this game and want to get an RO as soon as he starts. He has already stated a couple times that I shouldn't make him mad because he is only a three hour plane ride away. Anyway, any advice from someone who has BTDT would be great!
Anyway, I am not really that concerned about him actually winning custody, even if he does decide to waste his money and go to court over it. However, he won't back off our son, who now is refusing to talk to his dad on the phone because his dad keeps telling him he needs to grow up and choose between his parents. I won't force him to talk to him, but he is allowed to talk anytime he wants. So my lawyer drafted contempt paperwork and he will be served within the next week for this, our custody papers say specifically that he won't discuss any custody issues with the children and won't badmouth me to them (has has told our son I have stolen a lot of money from him and will be going to jail, all lies, but says he was trying to protect our son from being scared from herds of police constantly around the house. Never happened, and he never mentioned anything to DS#2 about any of it). Has anyone ever done this, and what can I expect? It is my understanding that he will be required to appear in court here, in the state where the order is filed and the kids live, which is a three day drive. Can he somehow not show and just have a lawyer present? Due to his anger issues, I want him there in person. That way the judge will know who he really is. Also, is it reasonable to get a RO on someone living in another state? Because history has shown that once he is served he will start making direct threats, and I am done playing this game and want to get an RO as soon as he starts. He has already stated a couple times that I shouldn't make him mad because he is only a three hour plane ride away. Anyway, any advice from someone who has BTDT would be great!
