HE DID IT AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
HE DID IT AGAIN
3
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 12:24am
We were fine for almost a month. We were doing good, I guess. I thought it was over but now I know it's just going to start all over again. Maybe it is my fault. All he wanted was a kiss. I've noticed that him tickling me always leads to it. I hate getting tickled so when he does it I start screaming and he hates it when I do that. He tells me to stop screaming and I tell him then stop tickling me and he keeps going. I scream one more time for him to stop and he slapped me... I guess he then realizes what he did and then tries to act like it was just play fighting. This whole time I'm just staring at him with disbelief. I think a whole minute passed by of us just staring at each other in silence and then I tell him to get off of me. He jokinly says "ok I will" but he knows I'm mad. So I go upstairs and take a shower to cool off. A few hrs later I'm still thinking about it but I'm trying not to make it worse and I mind my own business. He starts messing with me again, trying to make me laugh, which he always succeeds at, and we're talking again. Then we start messing around and we end up having sex... but I just cant bring myself to forget what happened. So I stop it. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't enjoying it, he asked me what happened and that I've never done that before... I told him that I wanted to wait until tomorrow. I think I might of hurt his pride a little also. I turned on the tv and changed the channel from ESPN to Friends and I went to the laptop to get the remote... I noticed it was still on so I completely forgot about Friends and logged on. He asked why I changed the channel if I'm not even going to watch it and all this other stuff... I said sorry and that he was free to change it back but he kept talking, then he saw that he was getting me upset and decided to act like that was just a joke. He said he had to go to work and asked me for a kiss... I really didn't feel like kissing him I was still upset. So he pushed me I almost fell of the chair and again we just looked at each other... He then started to act like that was just a joke... and I said sarcastically "I like how you do that" and he asked me to repeat myself and said "you like what??? this(He pushed me even harder) You like when I push you... all I wanted was a kiss" Then he left. This isn't going to get any better is it??? I really thought we were done with it. That really shows how stupid I really am. You know what... I wish I could leave him and all that crap that everone says but never really does... but I cant because I love him. Eventhough sometimes I don't want to. He soo much stronger... We're both soo young and stupid. He's in the military so if they find out what he's doing he's supposed to get in a lot of trouble... We have our 6 month old son. What's gonna happen... I just need some understanding words... Can this get better??? PLEASE just tell me that it can... please...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 12:00am

Hi There. Welcome to the board.

Does he always do things like this? Does he always tickle you and bug you and you tell him to stop and he doesn't, then it ends in a fight? Has he hit you before? Do you think he is verbally abusive?? I am just a little confused that's all. I know him pushing you off the chair is really rude and mean and just how the whole fight was before about him tickling you. I just would like to know some more details.

I also think that if you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, then you probably are. You have a reason to be worried if you are worried about it. Also realize that it is not very healthy for a child to be in the middle of an abusive relationship. They will learn things from the abuser and the child will think it is alright and think it is fine, when reality it is wrong, very wrong.

Please update me and I will let you know more of my thoughts. You said how everything was fine for about a month... Is it usually like this? Everything is fine, then there is a build-up, then there is an expolsion and then it goes back to everything if fine?? That would be the cycle or somepeople call it the rollercoaster.

Please keep posting and lurking as much as you want.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 11:46am
yes he's hit me before... we just started living together since he's in the military. I'm staying with him in the base, I didn't want to at first when I was still back at home. We always argued on the phone about stupid things and I told him that it would be better if I just stayed home. He told me that we fought because we weren't together... that once we lived together everything would get better. But it didn't it just got worse. The last time he really hit me was about two months ago, I think, he even kicked me when I was on the floor... my back, shoulders and legs were bruised. Last month I can't even remember what we fought about, he was on me as usual and holding me arms and he started slapping and biting me. I was soo mad I told him "f you" and he said ok then let me do that... so he pulled down my pants and I started freaking out. He stopped and said ok I wouldn't do that to you... (but that's what he said about hitting me). A friend here on the base noticed my bruised shoulder and asked about it in front of him. I jokingly said that he beat me... and we laughed. A few days later she came over and we really talked about it. Her father use to beat her mother so she told me what not to do...like egg him on, hit him back, and all this other stuff. She also recommended going to counseling. I asked my husband if we could try it and he said no at first but I started begging for our sons sake and he agreed to it... I just don't know when we'll actually do it. But he has hit me before and sometimes I do fight back and sometimes I just let him get it over with. If our friend was completely shocked that he would do this... if you meet him he's always telling everyone how much he loves me and our son, how he'd never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me, when we're around people or even at home(if we're not fighting) he's always hugging me and telling me he loves me... He's very sweet and funny so you wouldn't think he'd do this. but when he gets mad... HE REALLY GETS MAD. His dad left as soon as his mom got pregnant... his mom has since had 2 girls from 2 diff. guys plus 2 boyfriends that I know of... his mom is like god to him. She has been through soo much and no one compares... well until I got pregnant and gave him a son. He's getting better though. He worries more about us then his mom and sisters now... instead of putting them before us. I know that his moms current boyfriend did give her a black eye, and my husband was furious... so that's what I don't get. So I asked him and he said "My mom was defending herself" so I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 12:45pm

I remember your story. I went back a month or so and found an older post that you wrote in. I also seen that I replied and told you that you need to get out before this relationship gets even more abusive. I am going to tell you the same thing again. It will only get worse. It will NOT get better with this man.

I know you do not want to hear this. I'm sure you want me to tell you that is will get better with time and with counselling.. but it will not get better. Counselling will help you if you go alone. Do not go to counselling with him. Do not try going to Marriage Counselling. You should go to a counsellor that specializes in Domestic Abuse.

Of course he is nice when other people are around. He doesn't want anyone to see how he actually is. He is covering himself up to hid himself. My abuser did the same thing. We would be fine around other people and as soon as we got in the car to go home we were not so chipper anymore. It is his way of showing how great a guy he is to make people like him and get them on his side.

You need to save yourself and safe your son. It is very unsafe for children to be in abusive relationships. You can not only think of yourself, but your childs safety and well being. He is seeing his father. He is seeing the way he acts towards him Mom. He is learning all these horrible ways to treat women. He is thinking they are the way to treat women. You need to get out before it is too late.

Please keep posting.. Keep reading and lurking and posting. You will get stronger and stronger. You will also know when the time is right for you to leave. Also, Please look at the board website if you have not already. The website is: http://members.tripod.com/mollymyangel-ivil/

Hugs. Lauren

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