He did it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
He did it again.
9
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:07pm
Well, on Sunday, my children were playing and laughing, arguing, etc. and I asked them to stop. But they didn't. Well, H wakes up very upset and slaps both of them and I yelled at him that that's not the way to discipline them. Well, my 10 yr old boy goes to the kitchen, gets a knife and walks toward the bedroom. I ask him where are you going with that and take it away from him. He says " I hate him. I hate him." My 5 yr old daughter tells H this and he gets very upset and starts cussing at my baby asking if he was crazy or what (he's the crazy one for slapping him). So anyway, I decide to leave and take them to the park. We stay out all day and when we return, H acts like nothing happens.

Now my children are in this as well. How or what do I do to get the guts to leave? My babies are being affected by all this. They are more rebellious than ever. I am calling a counseling center today to see if we can get counseling. My kids really do need it.

I pray everyday that God give me the strength and courage that I need to leave this fool. Sometimes I feel like I'm too scared and I know I should do it for my kids, because they're everything to me. I love them too much to let this continue but I ask again how do I do it?

I feel like I'm in this dark hole and don't know why, if I see the damage he's doing, I don't have the guts to leave. I'm a very strong person but when it comes to this, I chicken out. I know that after I do it it'll be okay, but I need that certain push to it. Help, I feel trapped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:28pm
get your children out of there!!!! now!!! they are now a part of the abuse, if they weren't already. you have a responsibility as a mom to protect them. i know we don't always have the answers or do exactly as we should, but the answer to this is simple. RUN!!! of course he is going to act like nothings wrong. he wants to pretend this didn't happen. your kids are in danger here. they don't deserve this and neither do you. please seek help. do whatever you have to do to get out of this. my h used to get mad at my kids for being too loud. he would get out of bed and send them to their room and he would wait until they messed up, wanting a reason to get onto them again. my kids walked on eggshells around my house. never really being able to be a kid. they may be rebellious but no one and i mean no one deserves this treatment. walk away from this and teach them that this isn't right. please.

hugs

mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:34pm

Honey, he's hitting your kids for being kids and your oldest is hiding knives in his room.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:36pm
Thanks for your advise. I just know that if I leave he'll go looking for me to say I'm sorry, cry and ask me to return and I'm so scared to give in again. I am so unhappy. I even feel depressed and I know my kids can sense that too.

I truly do think I need counseling so that I can get out of there. And although my H does all this my kids love him so much and would be devasted if I leave.

But he continues being abusive. Sometimes I just wish he would disappear, so I wouldn't have to be the one to leave.

Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts, that's what I need most right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:44pm
Yes, I'm scare that he'll do something with that knife. He actually went and got it from the kitchen though. But over the last few months both my babies have gotten really rebellious and they weren't like that before. I think all this is catching up to them.

And I do have places to go. My mom's or aunt's, friends have offered and so have cousin's. That's not even the issue. It's the having enough guts to just go and never come back to this abusive relationship.

Sometimes I feel so stupid because I can't leave but I know the day will come when I get the courage to do just that. I have faith in that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:55pm
Honey,

You can't just wait for the day to come. You have to decide "THIS IS IT". You said you just needed a push in the right directions. Your son gave you a big shove! Listen to your kids, listen to your family and most importantly... listen to your heart. You know what you need to do. Waiting for the time to be 'right' can take a lifetime and every minute that your kids endure this is damaging them. The sooner you move yourself and your kids into a new life, the sooner you all can start to heal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:55pm

Blueliner asked me to stop by and give you my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:18pm
Wow, what a story. You know though, sometimes I feel and say to myself " well, he doesn't hit me all the time" but his verbal abuse is draining. Then I say well other women have it worse but I feel so awful inside when he acts that way towards me. He makes me feel so little. I know that I'm wrong for thinking that way that abuse is abuse.

And I think my son has more hate towards him than fear.

I really do appreciate everyone's words and stories. They just make me a little stronger and more knowledgeable each time and I know the time will come soon to leave him.

I guess deep inside I've always known of this abuse but kept saying to myself that it would stop. And sometimes I just wish that he would beat me up, not my kids, one more time so that I can have the guts to leave. Because when his time of sweetness comes around it's harder to leave. I'm waiting for that day to come when I make the decision to leave. I know it's soon but I'm awful with timelines so I cannot say when.

Thanks for your hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 5:00pm
OMG GET YOUR CHILDREN THE H**L OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!!!

Listen, all your kids need to do is tell the teacher what's going on, and then your kids will be taken away from you. If you don't have the guts to get out, then at least do the right thing and send your kids somewhere. If you love them, and want to protect them, call child protection and tell them you can't leave and to get your kids out of there.

OMG...your poor son. He's going to have problems for the rest of his life if you don't do something now. Trust me, mine is 8, and I've been out of it for a year and a half and he's still in therapy.

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 5:35pm

Paul, at 16, hates his father with a passion equal to the hatred he received from his old man.