he grabbed me by my hair.....
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| Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:18am |
well,Monday night DH and I were watching tv,he had seemed irritable all evening so I was walkin "soft",anyway, we were watching one of his fav. shows Elimidate and this cowboy was on it,and the other guys kept takin his hat and pickin on him,dh said he was gay yadayada this cowboy sux,then he asked about a pin a cowboy gave me along time ago,wondered why I still had it,I did NOT date this guy,did NOT kiss him,NOTHING sexual with this guy,he was just a friend,one that looked out for me and was nice to everyone,I said I just never thought about it,the pin was a goodbye gift when I moved away,a guardian angel w/a cowboy hat on it,it meant something,but NOT in a relationship way.....
he said I was lieing to him,said I must have dated the guy because for him to give it to me,he mustve like me /had feelings for me....I said no,and he asked if I did the guy? I said NO,and that I wasnt going to keep defending my past to him,it has no value on who I am now,and I got up and walked off,BAD IDEA as usual,he grabbed me by the back /neck of my shirt,which choked me some,and he continued to ask lame questions about the guy/pin,well he started saying rude things like I think my past is fine and Im ok with what I did back then and Id probably cheat on him now if I felt like it,I again STUPIDLY tried to walk off,when he jumps up and grabs me by the hair!!
well then he stops his questioning and "feels bad" as usual,he leaves me alone for like 15 minutes then he does the Im sorry,didnt mean to,I love you,dont leave me speach.....I just went to bed and laid there crying.
the next day he called from work and did the speach again,last night he was super nice,rubbed my feet for me,without me asking.....kept gettin me water and stuff.....and every now n then asked if I hated him,loved him less,or was leaving him....
I dont know what my problem is? WHY when I have been in a horribly abusive relationship and left it ALL ON MY OWN do I still love this guy and dont want to leave him? what is my problem?I know a man should NEVER touch a female,should NEVER hurt her,NEVER talk to her the way DH does to me....he has told me that one man isnt enough for me,when IVE NEVER given him reason to doubt me or my faithfulness! yet I still want him.
anyways I just wanted to post and see what you gals think.....I guess Im super screwed up huh? thinkin he'll change,KNOWING he wont! and I DO KNOW he wont!
Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!

April, we will never tell you that you are stupid, dumb, screwed up, whacked out, or call you names.
CL-Blueliner4