He has a new "friend" why do I care...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
He has a new "friend" why do I care...
3
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 1:14am

A month ago I got out of a 4-year verbally and physically abusive relationship and he has moved on already. He lives next door to me. I know I need to move. Why do I care to know about his new girlfriend. I am angry at myself for caring when I should be glad that he is with someone new so he can leave me alone. The new girlfriends sister n law just left my house and all we were talking about was his new girlfriend. I know what kind of shoes she likes, where she lives, works, and I hate myself for caring. I feel very hurt that he is bringing someone around me so soon the way he is. At the same time, if he wasn't he migt be harrasing me. I am glad that he is with someone, but why does it still hurt? Why am I losing sleep over this? I should be celebrating and patting myself on the back.

The new girlfriend likes my ex because he has a career and his own place. All of the guys that I have met are younger than me. (im 28) and live with their parents still and don't have careers yet. Basically I am meeting losers. This is not fair. I was the one that was abused, why is he meeting someone and I am not. Can I not do better? I am suppose to be happy in the end not him.

I am starting to blame myself for the whole break up and I know I shouldn't.

I have been divorced and he was not abusive so this should be a piece of cake and it is so hard for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 10:46am

Anyone would feel that way if their ex was parading around with their "new life" right in their face. You have to get away from him: period. Bc, once out of sight: definitely out of mind. Plus, he probably takes pride in knowing you have to see and deal with it.

Also, you should work on your self esteem as well. Have you tried online dating? If you havent, it may sound scary or ridiculous at first, but don't knock it until you try it out! You can choose your own criteria and avoid losers and the bar scene. Plus, you would be surprised at the variety of people you meet. It is a great ego boost, and people are doing it more than ever just to avoid meeting guys in bars, etc.

Good Luck!

Ceejae

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 8:44pm

Xena, I love your name!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 3:37am
ITA with everything CL-Gonna said, and with the spending time with yourself stuff, I agree a million times over! You need time to heal, time to find yourself again, time removed from abuse. Jumping into a new relationship puts you at high risk of moving into yet another abusive situation. Take time for yourself, honey, LOTS of time.