He HAS to open my mail, I'm sneaky....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
He HAS to open my mail, I'm sneaky....
6
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:09pm
I have known for sometime that he opens my mail. I’d find it in the trash. I guess he feels it is his job to decide what I should see and not see. Well since he won’t let me get any clothing unless he approves of it I got a card for a clothing company I like. This is the first card I have ever had. I am 32. I didn’t tell him about it, and I had it delivered to where I work. Well the bill went to our house and he opened it. Now I am sneaky. When I told him he needs to stop opening my mail. He said he had to because of things like this. I told him why. He said because he can’t trust me. I have been very sneaky lately. I recently took out $20 from the account and forgot to ell him. Well that is the start of the whole sneaky thing. What am I supposed to do? The account is in his name. He has the only card. If I ask for it he will say there is no money in there. But he can spend money on Ebay and buy porno’s. He doesn’t tell me about all of them. Now he left a message on my work voice mail saying he will never look at my mail again. There is a hidden message there though. I know that he is going to try and make me feel guilty and start bringing things up. The worst part is it happened at work and the others in the office heard it. I’m just so tired of it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:21pm
First of all it's illegal to be opening & going thru other peoples mail.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:50pm
He just called again And asked if I was still mad at him. When I said it doesn't matter it's over with. he asked if I wanted to goto marriage counceling. When I said I don't know, he jumps in with you're not happy with my anymore? I told Him this was not something you talk about on the phone at work. We could talk about it later. He said ok by then. This isn;'t going to go well. I am going to try to be honest and tell him how I really feel. It Just don't know how much more I can take. I feel so stressed out and nervous. i just want it to be all over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 7:29am

I agree that getting your own post office box is the best thing to do at this point and have all your mail sent there. Also, I'd use a post office that's closer to where you work than where you live. That way he's less likely to spot you coming & going from there.

How about getting your own bank account, too? See if the bank will send your statements & other mail to the PO box. Just put in a little money at a time so he won't even notice what's happening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 11:06am

Along with the great advice of getting a PO Box (I did this myself last August, I closed it on Monday the 8th before it would need to be re-newed, I didn't end up having alot of things sent there but it was nice to have during a time of chaos) I also suggest for you to read, if you haven't already, two books out of the four that I've already read. Here they are:


The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 5:27pm

If you do get your own bank account, get it in a different bank than the one he has if you can. I didn't (trying to make it easy on myself) and he found out about it. I'm not sure how, but some how he did.

Good luck to you! Stay strong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 8:34pm
I second that, Valerie. There's no telling what they can do, probably knowing your social security #, mother's maiden name, etc. My ex got our former ISP to give him my account back after we were final - in my name! Be over cautious with someone who's crossed the line he crossed. Best of luck.