He has total control over me
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He has total control over me
| Tue, 06-01-2004 - 3:00pm |
Where to start I don't know. I think i have said that before many times. Friday was my Birthday! Yippee! Happy Birthday to me, yeah hoo! And he forgot he never has before so actually i thought it was funny but at the same time yeah i will admit my feelings were hurt. So the whole day at work I had a good day. He went and picked up his son and his son came with a birthday present for me. Well SO totally went off on me how I embaressed him in front of his X wife made him look like a ass because he didn't remember my birthday, and went on about why didn't I remind him or put it up on the calendar Blah Blah blah. Whatever it is not my job to remind him we have been together now on and off for 9 years! Hello its not my fault he forgot! So saturday it was a little walk on the eggshells and Saturday night his X called there son to see howw he was doing. Well as soon as his son hung up with his mom my SO called her back and just ripped her a new A**hole! Yelled at her said she had no right to call there and ask his son what was going on between me and him if we were fighting! His son is 6 and has told his mom that he is scared of his dad when he yells (now his son tells us he never told mommy that so I don't know who tp believe) anywho as soon as he hung up with her he points to me AND SCREAMS "yOU NEED TO LEAVE AND NOW"! I was like "Hello I am not leaving I am bakeing cookies and not going to leave regardless". I don't even know what happened next I think he came towards me he didn't hit me but i called my cousin and told her I was scared and asked if she could come over and help me move my things out. Well because I called my cousin he threatened to call the police. I said "Go ahead" he went on about how I thought this was all a game. I don't think its a game at all its really getting old actually. So he calls the cops. I think he was trying to scare me. So we go downstairs and wait outside (his son is still there with us he is 6). The cop comes and my SO tlls him that he called him so things wouldn't escalate and he wouldn't hit me. The cop basically told him there was nothing he could do to stop him he had no control over what he did to me but if he did hit me he would go to jail or vice versa if i hit him left a mark i would go to jail. I told the cop I was fine. Well it just totally pissed my SO off that the cop took my side! He got in the cops face (Hello can we say stupid idiot) and told the cop he could leave because there was nothing he was doing for him went back upstairs and requested that a different squad come becasuse this cop was out of line. So another cop did not come. To make long story short I stayed I had my whole car full of my stuff and I just feel like when I listen to him yell at me and belittle me in front of his son. I just shrink up inside and give in to him and stay and think "yeah he is right he is the only one who has truly cared about me and love me" its like he has total control over my mind and when I am not with him I can speak freely about how wonderful life would be with out him but I can't get past the fear part and think its OK to leave him its Ok to go with life without him. Maybe because he has been my only serious real boyfriend and he is all I have known for 9 years. I have dated other men but nothing serious. Just needed to vent and don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for letting me come here and vent any advice greatly appreciated.

First off, he's lucky the cop didn't call in a second unit because of his behavior.
CL-Blueliner4
candi
He's deflecting attention off of himself and on to you by telling you that you need anger management classes.
CL-Blueliner4
Have you contacted a local abuse shelter yet?? That would be a good first step if you haven't. If you can't locate one nearby call the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, and they can help you locate one.
Until you can find safety remember a few helpful tips, do not try and talk to your abuser about his behaviour, confrontation only makes it worse on us. Try to get a plan A in order, along with Plans B and C just in case. Get down to the police station and talk with a Domestic Violence officer. With what happened, they can get more of your story and more knowledge of the situation you're in, while in a safe place. Contact a shelter, ask them if they can help you with not only a safe haven, but also they should have connections with trained abuse legal help, financial help and trained abuse counselors whom you can talk to and help get yourself centered and grounded so that you can think straight.
You'll know when it's time to leave, we all have different points. But try to get plans in order, do not share these plans with anyone who you would not place your life in their hands, as this is exactly what you are doing. Do not expect family or friends to understand what is going on as most have no clue to abuse. Sadly many of those around us would try to get us to stay and work it out, which will do no good in abuse cases.
The less you talk about the abuse with him or others, the better off you'll be. Don't give him or anyone more control over you than what he thinks he is doing now.
You will get out of this, you will once again find happiness away from abuse. Do not let antiquated ideals of others fill your mind with the wrong advice. To tell you the truth, he is not your first love because if he loved you, he wouldn't be doing this, so don't let that keep you there. I know that sounds cold, but if you allow thoughts like that to hold you there, then he will keep on making sure you never find happiness. A true love would stand beside you, would not abuse you, would make sure that your happiness came first, would live in a 50/50 relationship.
He's already given you the edge by being such a butthead to the police, use this time to start getting free. It's hard but you can do it!
Keep posting, asking and venting here! Keep yourself strong and as hard as it is, start to look forwards to a life of happiness with no one like him ever doing this to you again.
Hugs