He is at it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
He is at it again.
5
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 3:50pm
I thought he had gotten the message but I was wrong. He has been calling and I haven't answered. Finally I gave in and as soon as I said hello he started in. He was screaming and telling me how wrong I am doing him and he thought a year and a half meant something. I told him its over and thats it but he just kept on. He kept saying, "I am furious and fuming and the more I think of how wrong you have done me the madder I get." Of course more insults came and the accusing me of wanting someone else and sleeping with other people started. I told him that if I did him so wrong then why on earth does he still want me. Then he just hung up on me. He has called back twice since this incident which was at 1:00 today.(it is now 2:40 here) I can't say I am not suprised by this reaction considering according to him everything was always my fault. I just want to get past all of this and for him to go on with his life and for him to let me go on with mine. I told my grandmother about the situation(she lives out of state and wasn't aware of anything) and she made a good point. She said he sounded like my mother and step dad(there was a lot of childhood abuse that stopped when I was 17 and I moved out, physical and sexual not to mention the emotional abuse that goes along with all that) rolled into one and wrapped in a different package. Now I 22 and thought I was past all that but maybe I'm not. I guess I figured since I had been through it growing up I would be able to see it before it got to this point. Wrong again. He keeps trying to persued me into meeting him(just the 2 of us). I know that would be a big mistake and to be quite honest the way he is acting I am afraid to be alone with him. Sorry this is so long and I hope it makes sense. He just has a way of making me feel like I am nothing and that everything in the world is my fault. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 4:48pm

Call the police and find out what you will need or what he will need to do before you can get a restraining order.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:11pm
I really appreciate your advice. I am starting to realize that he isn't going to give up. In fact he has called 3 more times in the last 20 min. I really thought being what I have been through that I could spot a situation like this before it happened.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:32pm

These guys are Academy Award winning con artists.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:37pm

Hey, shorty.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 11:14am
Hey Shorty -- I just wanted to say that I am rooting for you. I know how hard it is to break up with an abuser, even though rationally you know it's the right thing. You are being so strong!!! At a minimum, I would get call block/caller ID and a restraining order. Since his abusiveness has run the gamut (verbal, sexual, and physical) and he seems like such a loose cannon, I would also make sure you have the keys to a friend's or family member's home in case you need to leave your own home ASAP. When you get the restraining order, be sure to keep a copy of it on you at all times. I'd also keep additional copies at home and in your car glove box. Keep in mind that when he's served with the actual restraining order, it may tick him off, so you should plan accordingly.

The endless calls and accusations of other boyfriends were my abusive ex's last tactics before I pulled the plug on the relationship. Although it's seemingly harmless compared to physical abuse, it's not harmless at all, because it can ruin your day and make you scared.

Your life will start to get better soon -- there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are doing the right thing by acting quickly and without hesitation. You'll be so much better off when he's entirely out of your life. Stay strong. If he gets all teary and starts begging for you to come back, ignore him. This is a tactic abusers use -- they'll get you to pity them, get you to come back, all will be fine for a day, and then the abuse starts up again. Please don't let this guy back into your life. You may not believe it now, but there are actually plenty of nice men out there who aren't abusive.

Anyway, good luck with everything and keep us posted here.