he left yesterday, why does it hurt
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| Mon, 12-26-2005 - 9:31am |
Yesterday he blew up on me on Christmas. He had stayed up late- past 3am and taken tylenol PM to help him sleep and I couldnt wake him Christmas morning when the kids were opening their presents. My two boys had to go to their dads at 1pm. I couldnt wake him and he decided it was my fault, I ruined his christmas after he worked so hard to make it good for my boys and he wouldnt go to dinner at my moms. I left to go, and came back and caught him on the phone spilling his guts to one of his x's and I took off again with him yelling and chasing me out the door to come back so he could say he wasnt doing anything wrong and he was sorry. I didnt come back for 3 hours and when I did 95% of his belongings were gone. He called me incessantly and I ignored the calls. He left nasty messages about how horrible I was for doing this to him. He text messaged me the same all day and last night sent me a pic of vomit because I have upset him so much by not wanting him anymore that he is physically sick. He was so angry yesterday when he woke up, I was afraid for my children to leave. And he blames it all on me and calls me insane and says people have filled my head with crap. He tried to make me feel sorry for him, saying he had no place to go, was hungry, told me it was cold in his car, and I almost broke, but he never came back last night. My stupid ass would have let him in.
Today I wake up and I am so alone and it hurts so bad. It seemed so good sometimes he would be so good to me like no one ever before, but slowly it just kept eroding and the hurt wasnt worth the good. Now I just hurt so so bad. I feel so alone and just as bad as the day my husband of 12 yrs walked out on me. Why cant I get it right? I dont deserve these things. I cant stop crying.

Cirrus, that was a rotten way to spend your holiday, and that's what he's capable of.