He makes me feel like I am crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
He makes me feel like I am crazy
2
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 3:29pm
This is my first post to this board. I have posted on the other DV board last week when DH flew off the handle in a fit of rage and acted like he was going to hit me, but punched the door instead. I did leave for the wkend but I'm back home now.
What is it with him and trying to make me feel like I am crazy and I am the one with the problem here? He tells me it's my medication(I am only on it because I have to deal with him). How many times does he have to say that I dont respect HIM? How can I? How dare I speak what's on my mind?
You know what he asked me on the phone when I went to my moms? He asked me why I left the house a mess? Seriously. And today because I wouldn't make him lunch because I have a headache and was up all night with the baby he started in how I never clean ( that is fr from the truth - I am alwys cleaning), I don't cook for him, I dont have sex with him. A. I am busy with 3 kids. B. Why woukd I want to have sex with him?
If I ever say the problem is because of him I am being irrational and it is my medication - I need to get off of it. It's the reason I have no sex drive.
When I asked him if he wants me to be afraid of him and he said YES! WTH? If I wouldn't disrespect him....if I would not push him to that point.
He is making me absoultely crazy and I don't
know how much longer I can deal with him. I am getting all my ducks in a row, keeping a journal at my moms, along with other things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 4:15pm

Welcome to the board jrcs! :o)

It seems to me that you know you are in an abusive relationship. There are a few warnings signs to me of an abusive relationship. I am also more worried because you have 3 kids? That is very unhealthy for them to be in this relationship - not just you.

Next time he will not hit the door... he will hit you. In order for him not to hit you, you need to leave this man. He isn't worth it. I am glad that you did leave for the weekend... How did you feel when you were away from him?

Abusers always put the blame on someone else. It is never their fault about anything even though deep down we know they are at fault. They never take responsibility. You might start to notice a few times if he has switched the story around to make it your fault? He is putting the blame on you. He is now blaming the problems on your medication. Not true. You know what, my abuser would ALWAYS tell me that I don't respect him. ALWAYS! It drove me insanse. I have read a good quote, it is "If he abuses you he doesn't respect you, if he respects you he doesn't abuse you" It goes something like that. It is clear to me that he doesn't respect you - he is just switching the story around.

Does he ever clean ? Does he ever make his own lunch? You are not his maid. But he thinks you are. He expects you to baby him and cook and clean. His perception of women is screwed up. No matter what you do it will never be good enough. And I mean never be good enough!.. No matter how much you try.

I am happy to hear that you have a few things at your mom's house. Are the children his? I also suggest calling the domestic Violence hotline at: 1.800.799.SAFE

Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Hugs. Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 3:15pm

Hey Lauren! Thanks for your reply!
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Oh yeah - I definitely know I am in an abusive relationship. I have always known but thought maybe I was being over dramatic. That's pretty lame considering who wouldn't be dramatic when their partner is on top of them with his fist in her face. That was our first year of marriage and he laid off for awhile after my dad threatened to kill him. Then came the threats of hitting or "losing it" when I would argue with him. Then hitting the walls and yelling all the time. He has periods where he mellow but it is definitely escalating. I know that it is unhealthy for my boys...I don't want this for them. It's easy to say "just leave" but so much harder to do. I guess that sounds really stupid. :(

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He does sometimes clean but rarely and then he acts as if he deserves a medal. Sometimes he makes his own lunch but always wants me too. I know he wants me to baby him. Last night I got the Lundy Bancroft book and OMG - he fits the mold so well it was so eye opening. I can't wait to read some more of it. It's funny that there is a section on how they try to make you feel crazy and that was the title of my post yesterday.