Is he *on to me* or just fishing?

Avatar for alwaysagardenia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is he *on to me* or just fishing?
4
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:25pm
I was watching TV with DD & going thru a rental magazine this evening when H walked into DD & my bedroom. I thought he had gone to bed so that's why I was looking at the mag. Just brousing to see what is out there in the area(s) I'm considering. (I used to look at these mags for fun also so I wasn't too worried if he saw it laying around.)

Well when I heard him come in the room my heart did start pounding. I knew if I tried to ditch it real quick it'd be more obvious, so I just kept looking at it. After about 10 mins. he asked what I was looking at? I said a magazine (I'm always reading mags so I figured he'd leave it alone.) He asked what kind of magazine? I showed it to him & told him it was a rental mag. He says real calm, "Are you planning on moving?" This threw *me* off balance. The way he said it was so calm & like he was almost expecting me to say "Yes." I told him it was the son of my friend's atht I just came back from visiting. It was logical since he's about 19. Well H just kinda left it at that but it was obvious that he was still thinking about it when he left.

What do you think this means? He *knows* I want to leave & have plans on doing so? Was he just fishing? Or is he so stupid that none of the above apply & he really was just asking?

XOXO--Ruby

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 6:30am
Hugs Ruby! Of course he knows what you're doing, all he's doing now is thinking on how to change his tactics to keep you off balance. An abuser will go through such lengths to play out all the possibilities, just so they can try and stay one step ahead. You've already told him you were moving, it's no secret. He will keep playing you for as long as he can. He will change his approach regularly to make you either "think" he's changing or he will just start a total different behaviour to keep you scared. And you should be, as an abuser has no limits to their ability to hurt us, they will hurt all in the house and in the family when they can. You are playing a very dangerous game of cat and mouse by staying. You will not win as long as you are in the same house, it just won't happen.

Please do your planning quietly, please plan to get out soon! If you're waiting to save up enough money, you will never get there. Get in contact with a good shelter, get your papers together for you and the children and get out. You need a good abuse lawyer on your side, a good abuse counselor, you need a good shelter if for nothing else than people who will give you solid advice when you need it 24/7.

Avatar for cl_mizlizzy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:00am
I agree with Buff, completely. He's "been onto you" AND he is "fishing". You have discussed his abuse, you wanting to leave, and more. He has been constantly scrambling to maintain his control, but yes, he "knows" you want to be free from him, and he has shown that in many ways. EVERYTHING he does and has been doing are tactics. Please, be super careful, and very aware, so you don't "tip" him off to anything. He will intensify, and you can't predict if that intensifying will be with blatent abuse, subtle tactics, further isolation, etc.

Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:16am
He was on a little fishing trip.....but his hook was dry and he was hoping you'd bait it for him. I am sure he suspects you think of leaving, he knows how he is. You should have just looked at him and said, 'Now Honey, why in the world would I ever leave a dreamboat like you?' LOL

(Gag!!)

Hugs!!

Avatar for alwaysagardenia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:16pm
Thanx for your view you guys! Sometimes I don't know back from front being all alone here, y'know? I wasn't too sure what the whole thing was about last night & it threw me off balance--BIG TIME.

Ok, no more rental info at all in this house. Especially since now he knows I've been *looking*. I'll keep everything as quiet as I possibly can. XOXO--Ruby