He still carrying on like nothing

Avatar for cirrus1993
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
He still carrying on like nothing
3
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 6:09pm

I have an attitude towards him and he is acting like he doesnt know why, and told me today I was ruining Christmas. I told him no, he did. I told him when we started this relationship two things would make it over for me, 1- abuse, 2- cheating. And I asked him if I cheated on him last sat. would he be over it 7 days later and all happy on Christmas? He doesnt want to talk about it or anything, and says we will deal with it after Christmas. My dad is coming to stay with me for 3 wks, which is good cause I am quite concerned about how this guy is going to react if I kick him out, he acts like if I tell him to leave he will leave peacefully no questions asked, but I feel like he will freakin stalk me or something. He is really attached to me. The other night I threatened to call the cops and he got even angrier because if you can believe this one, he is currently in the process of trying to get on the police force in the next city, and any report on him would blow that for him. I have new door locks ready to be installed and an active alarm on my house, and I have a couple of refuge places he doesnt know exactly where they are.

He is still telling me he loves me and wants to marry me and the ring he was getting me is on sale, and I am so pissed at him for ruining what I thought we had. You couldnt give me a million dollars to marry this guy. I told him 100 times over several months into our relationship he was too good to be true and asked him if he was gonna change, and he always said "what you see is what you get." I think he is nuts. If he would have let me out of the room the other night, I would have taken off for a day and then kicked him out. He keeps trying to tell me I wont find someone like him, and I am thinking, I sure hope not!! Thanks for the advice, I will stay in touch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 6:33pm
You sound like you're holding your resolve, Cirrus.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:04am

Someone once said that these guys must all be using some sort of guide book, because the similarities are eerie.

'but I feel like he will freakin stalk me or something': I was so afraid, I took an RO out and hid for two months.

'he is currently in the process of trying to get on the police force in the next city': That is frightening to hear. The one I knew also tried desperately to get on the police force. They gave him a psych test and dropped him. That should have been my first clue. He never could get on a police force, but did try to join a mercenary force in Iraq. They didn't want him either. Why do so many of these guys want to be in law enforcement? That requires probably a whole topic string to answer. Sad thing is that some actually get in.

he always said "what you see is what you get": Can't count how many times I heard that one. When I asked him why he tries to frighten me, he said 'it's my job, it's what I do for a living' (though it had less to do with his job than the price of tea in China)

'He keeps trying to tell me I wont find someone like him': I have heard this one, as well as the variation 'I am the best you will ever find' or 'any other guy would beat the *#$* out of you', followed by emails with articles about women in hospitals because of violent abuse. This I suppose was an effort to show that just because I hadn't yet been admitted to intensive care because of what he did, I had nothing to complain about. Or the best one was 'I deserve a pat on the back for controlling myself from killing you long ago'. Anyway, they all seem to want to convince us that every other guy is far worse than them and that we should be grateful for them taking us in when nobody else would.

No, not true. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. And I dare say that this type of behaviour is NOT normal at all. Thank goodness there are boards such as this where we can compare stories and learn from other's experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:27am

I see he's still reading out of the Abusers' Manual. :P They do this, too. Leon-the-Loony, after I had spent three hours dumping him and putting him back on his doorstep, said to me on my way out, "Hey, honey, do you want to go to Event X on Friday?"

I think, somehow, they think if they pretend like it never happened you'll forget about it and everything will be "fine". That and, a healthy dollop of denial as garnish. It's going to take awhile for him to get the idea that this is real, and be prepared for an explosion when the realization hits. Let us know how everything is going.

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