he went to jail... now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
he went to jail... now what?
3
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:14am
Well today was the last straw the neighbor heard us fighting and he went to jail but mommy bonded him out within an hour... now i sit here covered in bruises and hurting both physically and mentally and he is probably sleeping soundly at mommys house.

We have to be in court at 11am tomorrow morning.. I had went to police station and filed report and went to hospital cause they thought my arm could possibly be broken..now i feel like i am going crazy...

I want to talk to him... I dont want to talk to him... i want my marriage to work .... I dont want my marriage to work.... I dont know what to do ... all i can do is sit here and cry...

i hurt so bad.. i just need help and not sure what to do or where to turn! everyone is supporting me but then at the same time i feel like they are smothering me.. does anyone else feel this way???????

ok well it is after midnight my time so i guess i am going to go try to sleep. they gave me some med at the hospital so i guess ill go take some and lay down...

thanks for listening....

any advice is greatly needed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:20am
are you in my head? you said exaclty what i am feeling.....i thought i had posted this when i first looked at it but it was not me. i have a court hearing this morning at 11am to get a OP. i do want my marriage to work but i dont want to be beaten up for thinking differently or expressing my feelings. i dont want to worry about the kids when i have to go to school. i want to be able to do what i want when i want to. i wish he would call but when he does i dont want to talk to him. i love him but then again the love is lost. i dont want to feel like i am turning my back on him but i want him to know that i'm not going to put up with him beating on me anymore. God, i do love him...but i dont want to go through this anymore.

i pray that everything goes ok with you. i do know what it is like to have them put in jail only for someone to bail them out a few hours later. that is what happened last time he went in. this time, no one was there so he is stuck for a while. you know what is right and wrong and how you want to feel. bad it not one of the feelings included i'm sure. stay strong and get help. it's been a week and already the world has been lefted off my sholders. keep him out, especially if he is a mommas boy and can go crawling under her. you will be sad for a little while wanting to have the company and companionship but it will be ok. God allows us to go through only what we can handle. Ask for his help and he will come.

shay
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:47am
LEAVE HIM!

I know it's hypocritical of me to say that when I can't leave my abuser, but sweety, he beat you. Left marks on you. Left you with a possible broken arm. How much are you willing to take? How much pain and suffering are you willing to go through to have a marriage? Sweety leave. Get the divorce and learn about yourself beforee you have another relation ship. I am telling you this because I had an abusive first marriage and now I am in my second abusive mariage. If I had only taken the time to find out me first. I don't think I would be in this situation at all.

I am so sorry you are hurt. My first husband beat me up when we separated. I made a police report and we went to court. I was saying to the judge things like, "Don't put him in jail, yes he hit me but don't put him in jail." HELLO! If I could go back in time, I would smack myself. It is so common to want to reach out to your abuser after he goes to jail or he leaves because you fought. You want to know what he's thinking, if he's sorry, if he still wants to be with you or to just hear what he has to say about it all. Right now, leave him alone. Go to court, be honest and let the judge decide. Please listen to others who have been there. I may have not been strong enough myself to leave but that doesn't mean I didn't see the results of my actions. We all learned so you don't have to.

Stay Strong, be safe!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:09pm
Hi.. your message make so much sense to me and it is everything I feel... I want to talk to him for all the reasons you listed. When I seen him in court this morning it hurt.. i broke down again.. this is crazy.. today was just arraignment and then we go to court sept 2nd. I will be a wreck by then. I love him so much but i am tired of hurting. Last night when I got off here and went and laid down it was awful. my whole body hurt. if i tried to roll over it hit another bruise and it would hurt.. so it just kept waking me up through out the night.. this is miserable.. they issued a tpo until we go to court again in september.. but i am dying to talk to him.. each time i want to talk I call a girlfriend of mine and she just reminds me of all the bad stuff and everything but i just hurts.. im staying at my parents for now and they are going on vacation thursday so they invited me to go with them.. just a long weekend away so i guess i am going to go it is with my sister and all her kids too so it will be nice if i can keep my mind off him..

any suggestion s and advice is still appreciated i just need to have friends right now help me through all this or i am going to go crazy...

thanks for listening...