he wins again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
he wins again
5
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:24pm
Well i just dont understand. I go to court with my face still bruised from our last encounter and the judge doesnt even look at me. he tells my ex that he must not have any contact with me, no phone calls, no stopping by, no sending flowers, (like he would do that), no contact what so ever. THATS IT!!! NO JAIL, NO FINES, NO NOTHING. It just isnt fair. i get raped and the sh!t beat out of me and he gets a slap on the wrist. I had pictures of my bruises, a full examination (very humiliating examination) and a police report because yall said i needed to make sure everything is documented. why even bother, it didnt do me any good. yea the judge ordered him to stay away, and he will for awhile, but i know that eventually the cycle will start all over. i know that calling the police was the right thing to do, and going to the emergency room was the right thing to do, but why do i feel so sh!tty. Maybe my ex is right, it would be alot easier to just do what he says, at least then he doesnt hit me. I dont want to give in to him but i really dont want to be hurt any more either.

Van :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: hurtinginga
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:34pm

Van, even by succumbing to his demands and wishes, he is still going to hit you and abuse you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: hurtinginga
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:44pm

The instant he tries to contact you, call the cops immediately and report the RO violation.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: hurtinginga
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 6:24pm
Oh, Van, I am so sorry you have been victimized yet again. It is moronic judges like that who just make my blood boil. You don't mention if you are in a city or in a little community where the "good ole boys" rule or what. I know how I would react if I were in your shoes and that would be to file a complaint with the state bar association and with any and everybody else I could get to listen as well as writing letters to the paper and contacting any and every media source I could to expose this ignorant cowardly good ole boy judge for exactly what he is, an accessory to the continued abuse of all women who appear in his venue and are treated the same way. The level of ignorance that is still so prevalent in parts of this country never ceases to amaze me. What is so heart wrenching is that until we survivors get up and make some serious noise about this, it will continue. I was so very fortunate that when WO and I got free we were in a county in Florida that has an enlightened attitude regarding domestic abuse and actually has advocates for the victims right there in the county offices. When we moved to MIssouri, I went to the courthouse the very first business day and a domestic abuse advocate and a wonderful court clerk handwalked me through the process of obtaining a restraining order against doofus, who was still sitting in jail in Florida. THEN, the following July, the very same judge who issued the RO, issued my divorce. I thank God every day of the world for that wonderful man who has made learning about abuse and advocating for the victims a priority in his courtroom. I just pray every victim of DV could have this man serving them. Sweetheart, no matter what you do, that monster is going to continue to beat you, rape you and pass you around to his friends. There will never be any peace of any kind in your life if you return to him. Please, Van, don't go back. I'm praying for you. Mama Harmony

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hurtinginga
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:49pm

Van...I think that these men should get jail time and fines among other things on the "first offense".

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: hurtinginga
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:44pm
Van, honey, let me start by saying that I'm so sorry for everything this POS has done to you. You don't deserve *any* of it, and you *don't* have to put up with it.

I was wondering -- the court hearing you had the other day -- was it for a criminal case against him for what he's done to you, or was it a hearing for you to get a restraining order against him? The difference is the burden of proof. Unfortunately, it is much harder to prove guilt in a criminal case than it is to prove guilt in a civil case (like a restraining order hearing). The burden of proof in a criminal case is "beyond a reasonable doubt," and the burden of proof in a civil case is "by the preponderance of the evidence." I know all of this because I'm a criminal and family law paralegal.

What I'm trying to say here is, even if the judge could not satisfy the burden of proof in a criminal case against him, he should have enough to grant you a restraining order, which you DEFINITELY need! Talk to the people at your local shelter -- they should be able to walk you through the process for getting an RO. Keep us updated, and hang in there!

Love & Hugs,

Emm