Heartbroken After TBI

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Heartbroken After TBI
4
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 4:49pm

My husband sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) over two years ago. We live in MI. He has come so far and is further along than anyone could have imagined. Unfortunately, his TBI has made him emotionally abusive and I truely believe we were headed toward becoming a murder-suicide case. I endured it for months and never called the police when things got terrible because his therapist convinced me he would never hurt me and that calling the police would only make things worse. I would simply run and hide until he would calm down. I finally had to move out when he threatened to kill my dog and then me. My heart is breaking, but I am frightened of him. My dog even showed signs of PTSD, but has improved. My husband's therapist said I'm over reacting and need a thicker skin. My own therapist has helped me see things clearer, that the best gift I could give my husband was to let him go.

My own recovery has come much further since I no longer live in constant fear. I was in the same accident and sustained a TBI, but not nearly as severe. He doesn't understand why I'm different and it frustrates him. His brain injury prevents him from dealing with it. We have both been on disability since the accident, but I hope to return to full time work soon. He will not be able to because of short-term memory loss, which prevents him from remembering ever raging against me. He wants me to stay with him and I love him so much, but I have decided after being separated since last October that it's time to leave him. Now I'm reading that because he won't be able to return to full-time employment and became disabled while we were married, I will need to pay alimony. I will be interviewing two attorneys this week to learn more.

I realize now I should have called the police, or recorded one of his many rages, but at the time, I wasn't thnking of building a case against him. I guess as a warning to others, make sure to report the abuse. I now might need to pay for keeping my mouth shut and taking the abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 5:22pm
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, but very glad that you have found your way out. Good luck in talking to the lawyers and I wish you the best.
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 10:42pm

I am so sorry to hear what the accident caused. It is sad that it changed him so much but his therapist is not doing him any favors but excusing it away!! I am sorry you had to leave him but am glad to hear you are safe. Sadly it is true that when we don't report the abuse it comes back to bite us in the backside =(. I hope you can find a way out of having to pay him and he gets the right kind of help and can be a better person!


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 12:34am
I think those therapists were horrible! Telling you to stick it out because he really won't kill your dog or you - they do not know. And the other therapist telling you to get thicker skin? Sheesh! When you are scared for your life and your pets life it's time to go, no matter what caused it in the first place. I am so very sorry you went through this and I wish you all the best. You were told by professionals to NOT call the police and you were doing what you thought was best. Don't hate yourself for not calling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 9:16am

Thank you for the replies, understanding, support. It makes a girl not feel so alone. I fall into this rut of "should have done this" "should have done that," but my physical therapist finally told me, "don't 'should' on yourself." She was so right. It will drive you crazy if you do.