He'll never change, but he's a good acto
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| Tue, 01-03-2006 - 4:20pm |
r. Just couldn't fit that "r" in my title ;-)
My H and I have been married for 8yrs but together for 12yrs.This entire relationship has been a crazy roller coaster ride. We have two children 11 and 7, and they are the only reasons we have been together this long. I've left him so many times I lost count. I have endured verbal, mental and physical abuse, where I called the police he was arrested and I stupidly let him back in my life. Now there is no physical abuse but the mental and verbal abuse is still here. Why do I stay? Because everytime I say I'm leaving he becomes the person I want him to be. I also need to establish myself financially(2yrs and counting). I get so tripped up about leaving because I don't want to ruin life for my kids. He's good to them, he's the love of my daughter's life. My parents divorced and I spent my teenage years looking for love in all the wrong places. I was very promiscuous and I don't want that for my daughter. I hear that boys that don't have father figures in their lives look to gangs and sometimes end up in jail and I don't want that for my son. What if I meet someone new that doesn't treat them well. I'm really torn, and I don't know what to do. My children did not ask to be here. So I tell myself to grin and bear it. I just don't know if I have the strength anymore.

Hi Taurus -
There's a big difference between having a "father figure" and having a father who is teaching your DS some extremely bad lessons.
CL-Blueliner4
Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) and they can give you information that is local to your area.
CL-Blueliner4
I'll reiterate what others have said, that a bad father figure is far worse than no father figure at all. This is why I was/am so worried for my niece, because the example of her sperm donor is basically showing her that men can do whatever they want to women and the women just have to suck it up, there's nothing they can do about it. That is UNTRUE and not something a little girl needs to learn! Boys, meanwhile, learn that it is OK to hit women and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way. Not something they need to learn either.
There are many ways to provide male role models besides a father. Boy Scouts is great, church youth groups, organized sports, and other male relatives are all places to find role models who provide appropriate examples of how women should be treated. Scouting and all the above are great for girls as well. You won't be ruining their lives, you will be giving them the greatest gift a parent can- the lesson that it is NOT OK to abuse or be abused.