Hello, advice needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hello, advice needed
4
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 10:46pm

Well, haven't been here in a long time....hi "oldtimers", things are OK for me, but finally I think I have the resources available to leave. HOORAY!!!! I will be having a family member pay for an apt. for me and my disabled child, but the mgmt. co. people are requiring my name on the lease (which I am OK with), but they are also wanting to do a credit check on me, as well as the financially responsible family member. I am, and have been, unemployed for many years, I am a SAHM. I am not on my house title, etc. The H and I do have a joint checking acct., but obviously, no money from there would ever fund my own apt., lol......could they turn me down for not telling that it existed? I am scared that as DH often checks his credit report, and is frequently doing a re fi on the house, that he would see that I have gone for an apt., which wouldn't be pretty....any thoughts???? I am so wanting to finally get out, and this is the perfect unit for me and my son!! I really do not want to lose it by refusing to do the credit report, but I know that I cannot have DH know that I am moving out so far ahead of time..it would bring out everything bad!!!! Please, do NOT try to e mail me, respond here!!!! I just so want to be free, I feel it is finally within grasp, and I don't want to mess anything up.....thank you all for your help!!!!!

Love,LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 12:55am

Well, hello stranger!


Honestly, at this point I wouldn't worry about getting the credit check done.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:34am
Wow, what a big step you are taking! Is there anyway to put that family member's name on the lease instead? If that is possible, then you can just sublet from that family member. Or maybe, instead, you can put both your names on the lease. That way, if your family member's credit is good, and makes enough money to cover the whole place, then it shouldn't really matter how bad your credit is. Otherwise, I don't think they can deny you credit based on leaving out a bank account. I think in terms of credit applications, telling them about all your assets is voluntary. I believe that they usually just want to make sure that your income is sufficient to cover the rent (they usually have some sort of equation... something like income is 2x or 3x the monthly rent) and also that you have a good rental history. If your family member is paying, they should be more interested in his/her history than yours. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:20am
Thank you so much.....I did find out from a very reputable source that it will appear on the credit report, but I am going ahead anyway. Of course, I have this fear that we won't pass the test as I am a NOTHING, as a SAHM, and yet, I'll be dealing with the repercussions of it when DH reads the report as he often does....but, I need to do this. It will all take place tomorrow, and I am so scared, on every level...is it right? (I know he is crazy, regulary verbally abusive and unstable, so how can I not know for *sure* that I MUST go???) I feel tremendous guilt (my child is medically fragile, how could I have them live apart???) I took my marriage vows so seriously, how could I want them gone?? Just this whole marriage is a head f-, seriously...he tries to play it off like I am out of touch with reality and a hostile b!tch...Basically, ALL of my family and friends that either are aware, and/or have seen him in action, they are telling me, GET OUT, he is a nut, you have been very very patient, you have tried, etc...but GO. Hence the funding for the apt., god bless them!!! It is so tough though, I know I did grow up in a very verbally abusive home, and DH seems so damn great to everyone else....maybe, maybe, is it me?? I know I am difficult...it is so impossible not to doubt myself...and, I NEED to sign on the apt. tomorrow, or I lose it....it is awful, I feel physically ill about it all. I will do it, because I try to think, what would a "healthy" person do?...and the answer is clear, take the apt.!!! So I will, because I want to be back in the realm of healthy people. Lol. I am such a wreck, scared I won't go through with it, really. And I would hate myself, for not doing it...but also, hate myself a bit for doing it. Sorry for the rant, just a mess here, and I am needing to make this HUGE decision within about 14 hours, and I am having such a hard time, scared I am going to back out....and I truly want to be FREE!!!! I really do, my head is just spinning. ANy thoughts, words of advice, comfort, etc...would be soooooo appreciated right now!!!!! I just don't even know what else to say, I feel like an idiot for being in this situation to begin with, and about a million times over for having such doubts about leaving...of course, though, he has been on his very super best behavior the last few days, flaowers and all, lol, and while I know it doesn't mean sh!t, it is hard to think of signing a lease when he is not acting horrid, like he usually does, ya know???? AAAaaaarrrgh!!! Any advice, really, I would love to hear it, I just need the strength to do what I know I need to do. And, I am so scared I will be alone forever, I know I have alot of baggage, my child is a a lot to deal with, etc...and yet, I still think, I gotta go for it, because I am emotionally alone already, so I am not really losing as much as I would like to think I am.....(((hugs))) to you all, thank you so much for being here!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:17am
I don't know if you've signed on the apartment yet. I was worried about my credit report when I left. I went through a private landlord instead of through a managment company and she agreed not to do a credit check on me. I told her up front that my credit was not good, that my ex had basically destroyed it. You have the resources, that's a major step. See if you can't possibly work around the credit check. Managment companies don't have the flexibility. I don't know all the details of your situation, but it's an idea for you to think about. Good luck and be careful.