Hello. Advice, please...
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Hello. Advice, please...
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 4:32pm |
Hello everyone. My name is Amy. I will tell you the short version story of my relationship and marriage for the last 11 years. We met in college and fell in love instantly. We did break up few times. Last two breakups, it was because of his verbal, mental, and emotional abuse that I have suffered for 11 years. We have three children.
Let me tell you what I have experienced in the last 11 years with him- abuse(no physical),
him flirting with women, always hang out with women when we were in college, online dating service few times, drinking, use the girls at his advantage(he would tell the girls that their mom dont love him anymore or that mom is mad better leave her alone, that's after our arguement on purpose), show no remorse to my feelings, kill my self- esteem, kill my hopes for my goals, and last two things- I found out that my mom had
breast cancer last fall, I told him that, all he said was, oh, is she ok? will she have some surgery? He didn't even comfort me or talk with me (show no remorse to my feelings), and last thing, last December, I found his online conversation in message archives- he showed his old friend(woman) his gentials on webcam, she did the same thing in return. I didn't say anything about this webcam incident until one month later. He apologized everything and decided to start going to church. He has been working on the book about strengthening your marriage. He asked me for marriage counseling many times. I keep on saying I dont know. And, he want to spend intimate moments with me, I always turn him down because I don't enjoy doing it with him anymore. I keep on pushing him away for hugs. I feel sick to my stomach about that. I have given him thousand chances for the last 11 years. I am struggling for few reasons- God hates divorces (I am Christian), my two best friends told me to follow my heart regarless what God said because, God want people to be happy and he will support divorces if there's abuse involved. Also, my husband- he has been begging me to work it out, will change for better. He did admit that he hurt me a lot. I don't know what I should do. Two weeks ago, he went to a woman friend's house for a few days, my mom and my best friends said I should ask him to pack up and leave. I should not let him stay at a woman's house. And, he told me that he quitted drinking a couple of months ago. No, he drank last week. Is there a hope in this marriage? Of course, I have been going through the cycle. My DV counselor gave me the chart of cycle. I am well aware about honeymoon cycle. We have gone through that cycle many times. This time, with the church and him seeing the pastor every week. I always have some hope in this but, I'm inside. I need some advices from outside of this. Thank you in advance!
Let me tell you what I have experienced in the last 11 years with him- abuse(no physical),
him flirting with women, always hang out with women when we were in college, online dating service few times, drinking, use the girls at his advantage(he would tell the girls that their mom dont love him anymore or that mom is mad better leave her alone, that's after our arguement on purpose), show no remorse to my feelings, kill my self- esteem, kill my hopes for my goals, and last two things- I found out that my mom had
breast cancer last fall, I told him that, all he said was, oh, is she ok? will she have some surgery? He didn't even comfort me or talk with me (show no remorse to my feelings), and last thing, last December, I found his online conversation in message archives- he showed his old friend(woman) his gentials on webcam, she did the same thing in return. I didn't say anything about this webcam incident until one month later. He apologized everything and decided to start going to church. He has been working on the book about strengthening your marriage. He asked me for marriage counseling many times. I keep on saying I dont know. And, he want to spend intimate moments with me, I always turn him down because I don't enjoy doing it with him anymore. I keep on pushing him away for hugs. I feel sick to my stomach about that. I have given him thousand chances for the last 11 years. I am struggling for few reasons- God hates divorces (I am Christian), my two best friends told me to follow my heart regarless what God said because, God want people to be happy and he will support divorces if there's abuse involved. Also, my husband- he has been begging me to work it out, will change for better. He did admit that he hurt me a lot. I don't know what I should do. Two weeks ago, he went to a woman friend's house for a few days, my mom and my best friends said I should ask him to pack up and leave. I should not let him stay at a woman's house. And, he told me that he quitted drinking a couple of months ago. No, he drank last week. Is there a hope in this marriage? Of course, I have been going through the cycle. My DV counselor gave me the chart of cycle. I am well aware about honeymoon cycle. We have gone through that cycle many times. This time, with the church and him seeing the pastor every week. I always have some hope in this but, I'm inside. I need some advices from outside of this. Thank you in advance!
Amy

Rosesnow74, first I want to apologize for your post being missed for so long and welcome you to the board.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you