help
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-04-2006 - 3:33pm |
also posted in news and resources by mistake
This is my first time writing on these boards. It's just that I need some advice and turning to those who know me doesn't seem like an option.
I got married on June 3. I had a lot of hesitation going into the marriage. I love him with all my heart but we had had problems. We both come from abusive homes and don't carry the necessary skills to argue/fight in a healthy manner. I tend to yell and scream and have even thrown objects and/or shoved Matt. He has done the same. Since the wedding, the fights have gotten better and that "crazy" behavior does not occur anymore. the only thing is we will still call names and swear. We probably fight like this every month, maybe twice a month. It used to be atleast once a week. The fights don't last long, maybe 1/2 an hour. I tend to think we get over things so fast because we go at it with so much passion. Nothing is left inside so it doesn't carry on to the next day. We know we have problems and we are working on everything. It's so hard because we care about eachother so much. I have never had so much fun with someone and he challenges me to try new things and live a great life. In that respect, he is the perfect partner.
Now....the part that is still bothering me. He is super jealous of my ex-boyfriends. He has forbidden me to talk to them, even if I run into to them walking down the street. I had gotten really upset when he said this to me but he follows the same rule....he will not speak or keep any contact with an ex. I, on the other hand, am not really bother by the thought of him talking to these girls. I wouldn't want them going out to lunch/dinner by themselves but talking is not a big deal to me. We were just at a wedding this past weekend and an ex of mine was there it was so weird to not even say hello to him. Now this is the crazy part.....he had secretly emailed this guy about a year ago, threatening him not to ever speak to me, etc. i think this is absolutley nonsense. I have talked to matt about it but he refuses to budge or think about the situation in a different manner. He always asks me how I could have ever dated someone like the other guy, makes fun of him to me, just real immature behavior.
The other problem I have is wiht the language that comes out of Matt's mouth. I am very offended by anyone saying "gay" or "fag" or "whore", etc. I have always been very adamant about this language with everyone around me. that is why i can't understand why i take it from the person who i should respect the most and who should respect me the most.
I have thought about leaving matt (before the wedding) a few times but i do love him dearly. we have the best time together and there is so much love involved. everything else in our life is great. we have similar goals, want to raise a family, and we have a sense of trust for eachtoehr...atleast i do with him. i never worry about him cheating or betraying this realtionship. i just don't know how to deal with this other behavior and i don't know if i can deal with it forever. I just keep thinking about how nice life would be if i didn't have to get tense in certain situations and worry about him getting mad at me if i talked to an ex.
just tell me your opinions on the situation. i have always promised myself a healthy marriage and i have a feeling that this is not going to happen. while things are always getting better, i'm so afraid that certain things won't change.
