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| Thu, 02-16-2006 - 11:51am |
I have been with my DH for almost seven years. He is volatile. When he becomes angry he screams and goes into a rage, often invading my space. The last couple of times he had postured as if he were going to hit me. When things were calm I asked him how he could do this, and he kind of blew me off. The last time we were out shopping, he exploded. He said I embarrassed him in the line. I had no idea what he was talking about, it was if he were imagining something. When we got out of the store and he was walking very fast. I asked him if he was okay and he started screaming at me in public. I told him I wasn't getting in the car with him and went back in the mall. I can't believe I am posting this. I feel trapped. I know about domestic violence as I am a survivor. I was in a relationship when I was very young and he was extreamly violent, there was no denying that. I fled with our daughter and he has located me 3 times, and every time I got the police involved. He was a nightmare and haunted me for years. I didn't date for a very long time, educated myself and thought I am ready and aware. I will be sooo careful next time. I think that I have repeated a pattern. I am freaking out. Please help.

Everywhere you go, there you are. You have repeated a pattern. The first step to making a difference is to know that a pattern exists. This is good. You are making progress. Which domestic violence books have you read thus far?
I'll look back for your answer.
Good luck to you. You deserve someone mentally healthy and wonderful.
~Me
I have read several, but that was a few years ago... If you could recommend something current, I would really appreciate it. I would also like to read something pertaining to divorce and how to make sure all is fair, expecially when he controls everything (money). I live in Washington and it is a common law state, but I don't know how I would afford to pay for the attorney. It is not like I could say, "Honey, I need some money to hire a lawyer." You know? Any advice?
T
Welcome, tb.
Hypersensitivity is a common trait, you feel like you have to walk on eggshells. My ex is like this, you can't ask him a "why" question, when you do he acts very similiar to what you mentioned. I think it's an ego thing. They don't want to be questioned about anything, and seem to be very concerned about their image around other people. Mine would go around and say I embarassed him in public for the slightest little thing.
Don't beat yourself up with thinking you repeated a pattern, since you did nothing wrong. We can't control what goes on in these guys heads. Honestly I don't think there's many good guys out there anymore.