HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
HELP
6
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:48am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 1:21am

Kristen, change your email. Dont take his calls. STAY AWAY. He is absolutely abusive & controlling - its obvious w/ the verbal & phycisal abuse - but the control issue is there as well (calling 54 times!?!?!?!?).


If you really want some peace & to get rid of him, do yourself a favor & call the Womens shelter or DV advocated & get a Restraining order if he keeps harrassing you.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 10:22am
trueprincessk…this guy might do a few nice things for you that you will miss, but believe me, those few nice things aren’t worth the distress and trauma he is, and always will be, putting you through. The behavior he’s showing you, the bad character, this isn’t going to go away, this is who he is. This guy isn’t boyfriend or husband material at all. He is jealous, possessive, obsessive, and this is the kind of guy you need to stay far away from because he will never be okay. He doesn’t know what love is, and he isn’t capable of it. Love is not expecting sex on demand and throwing temper tantrums when you don’t get it. It’s not trying to tear your partner’s self-esteem down so that she will feel like she can’t do any better than you. It’s not imprisoning them in the relationship by monitoring them to make sure they aren’t talking to other people and making sure they are as unattractive as possible so no one else will look at them. This guy is sick. Not as in “sick, oh I need to help him”, but as in “sick, disturbed, scary, dangerous”. You cannot help him, he will not change. In fact, he will get worse. If you stay with him, you can look forward to more tactics to imprison you – he will strip you of your friends and family and anything else that’s important to you, he will make sure that you have no money or other resources to leave you, he will make sure that you’re too scared to leave you, you will face more and more extreme cruelty and violence as time goes on. When you leave a guy like this one, they turn into stalkers because they think they own you and that you don’t have the right to say no to them. These people only care about themselves; they don’t really care about you or love you even though they “think” they do. He is in the relationship for you to meet his demands and needs, and the nice things he does for you is to benefit him. This guy isn’t healthy enough to have a real relationship with real loving and caring and he never will be. You will never be able to be yourself with him because he doesn’t accept YOU as you are. He will try to change you into a submissive, shell of a person who focuses on him and his wants and needs all the time. Please do as much research as you can on domestic violence, on possessiveness, and on stalking so that you can get away from him safely. We have some safety tips on the board homepage and you can also do some web searches. You deserve better and you are not bad for wanting out of this and not wanting to conform to his sicko demands. He will try to make you think you are, as all abusers do, but you aren’t.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 1:03pm

Hi Princess, welcome -


A couple of online safety tips (especially with him being so unstable) -


Delete the email me link off your siggy.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:56pm

Kristen:

Please listen to me very closely. I have been in your shoes before. Your boyfriend's behavior is NOT normal, you do NOT deserve it, and it's NOT your fault! You have no reason to feel badly for leaving him, and you MUST leave him.

He is abusive. It doesn't matter if he didn't slap you hard...the fact is he did slap you in anger. Trust me the slapping will increase in frequency and intensity. If he continues to call you frequently and leave you voice mails (by the way calling 54 times and leaving 30 voice mails is HIGHLY excessive), and circles your friend's house looking for you...this is harrassment and he could be dangerous. You need to report him to the police and obtain a restraining order. You might have to go someplace safe for awhile, where he can't find you.

You are a beautiful young girl who deserves to be treated far better than this. He should be treating you nicely all the time, not just once in awhile when he isn't pissed at you or when he feels badly for being abusive. He needs serious help, but you cannot help him. You have to get help for yourself. Please, please, please do so now before this situation gets out of control and you end up seriously hurt.

E-mail me if you need someone to talk to. Like I said, I've been there! lovekitties@mail2world.com

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 7:14pm

I want to thank everyone for all of your advice. Things are getting worse and I may have to call the authorites. I just got a new job and he has already called me there (looked up the number) I am afraid that he will call constantly if I dont talk to him. He also just had his mom call here to try and talk to me. My mom answered and told her she had an important call. I feel horrible because his family was so good to me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: trueprincessk773
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 9:45pm
Yeah, Id definitely get an RO issued on him.
5yrssm