Help, Help, Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Help, Help, Help!!
6
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 12:07pm

I need some advise and some support. I am in a major legal battle for my daughter, 16 months old. First off...I am a 39 year old widowz9husband committed suicide) with 3 children from that marriage. I met Mr. Not so wonderful and fell in love, got pregnant. He left me for his ex girlfriend the first month I was pregnant...so that being said...

He is an emotional abuser and has physically abused me twice. He meses with my mind and makes me 'feel' like I am losing my mind. He says that I am suicidal and abusing my 16 month old. Both is not true. Anyway I have to go to court to prove my innocence. I have felt like' giving up"...but not die. I woiuld not do that to my children.

He is the crazy one. The diagnosed him as a physchopath. Help me...How can i win this battle. The courts scares me to death.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 11:37am
Hang in there. The court system can be a scary place, but remember that it is ultimately there to defend you. Check out www.womenslaw.org for ideas as to what to expect, and what you can do.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 2:16pm

Hi,
My ex also is mentally ill and abusive and he kept telling me I was crazy and has been using the courts/custody fight as another venue to keep torturing me emotionally, accusing me of suffering from mental illnesses, depression, etc. Your ex, like mine, is trying to project his own problems onto you, because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions and mental state, and he wants to use your child as a way to keep control over you. You need to remember that what he says, his version of reality, is a pack of lies. Don't believe any of it. During my marriage, I was so isolated (part of my ex's abuse) that I didn't question his version of reality. I still believed him a year after the divorce! When I look back at the marriage, it's as though he were a cult leader and I was part of his "cult" and I think that recovering from a seriously emotionally abusive relationship is a bit like escaping a cult situation or a long-term situation in terms of recovering from the brainwashing. Have you heard of the Stockholm Syndrome?

I also recommend you look up custodyprepformoms.org. I wish I'd found them at the beginning of the custody fight! Really excellent tips on keeping yourself physically and mentally healthy and on avoiding very common pitfalls.

Best of luck.

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 5:48pm
i think all abusers try to make you feel like YOU are crazy, YOU are cruel, YOU make them hit you, etc etc....as i dont have children i cant say what would happen but i know when my mom and dad went through what sounds like the same thing (he told everyone she abused me, was crazy did drugs etc...everything HE did) but most judges arent stupid they can see right through that, especially if he has been diagnosed with a disorder...im not sure but they may ask that you be evaluated as well but like i said, this is only my knowledge from second hand experience...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:13pm
I posted a comment on the toxic relationships board you had posted this subject on too. I had a past relationship where i was physically and emotionally abused too. I got out. Please take serious what I said about you 'not allowing your child around him' untill after you have talked with someone professional about this. Get a lawyer immediately, they have help out there financially for single mothers and resources for victims of abuse. The he sometimes 'kisses her with his tonque" comment from the other board freaks me out, the bath thing,..maybe too. If he has other children, contact their mothers as well. It is better to be safe then sorry for these children! Please know that you being innocent will prevail and his lies won't help him. Bring all these matters up to your lawyer so there will be justice in court! Don't be afraid you will go to jail or be punished if you haven't done anything wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 7:57pm
Intuition, you've gotten some good advice here.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:42am

I think you meant to direct your response to the OP, Stacy47150, not intuition_girl.

Big hugs, Stacy, stay strong and keep posting.