Help!! I think I'm really getting out!!
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| Wed, 08-09-2006 - 3:44am |
Ok, I've been in an abusive situation for a long time now and I'm finally making the move to actually get out. My stepdaughter turned 18, dropped out of school, has moved in and out of our home three times, and has gone from bad to worse, nearly getting arrested, but my husband helped her out with that situation, but I'm sure there will be a next time. This girl steals, from my daughter and I, and from jobs she's had, she can't even get one now, she has such a reputation, she's a pathological liar, telling guys she's pregnant to get them to take her in. She had people she worked with buying her groceries, taking her in, giving her baby stuff, all under the false pretence of pregnancy, she's never been pregnant.This is just the tip of the iceberg. My husband has allowed this behavior, encouraging it by covering for her, yelling at me and accusing me of being overly harsh with her if I tried to correct her (when she was little, it's too late for me to help now), and not believing when he was told things that were going on with her, whether by me, or her teachers etc. I cannot raise my child, who so far is doing well, in this environment. She continues to do whatever she feels like at the moment regardless of the rights of others, or consequences to her even, which, usually are minor since her dad makes everything ok for her. I've been checking up on their stories, both hubby and stepdaughter, and they both lie. I used to trust him, but he lies as bad as she does to cover for her. I asked him for years to send her to conseling, he said he couldn't afford it, I suggested our state's mental health facility, he said he was embarrassed, people know him there, and he checked anyway and it costs $60-$80 an hour. I called and found out it would be free in our income range. I've caught him in so many lies. I told him I couldn't live with her and endure her abuse any longer when she asked to move back in, he said he didn't have a choice but to let her. I think we need to think a little about our daughter, who is 12. Everything she has said in this house since she came back two weeks ago, I've found to be a lie. Whether in casual conversation, or to get something she wants, it's a lie. Our family dog died mysteriously while only she was here. All is tranquil until she comes on the scene. My family said I was welcome to stay with them at any time until I can get on my feet. My worry is the fact that school is starting, my daughter is going to need things, My job is ending, no more grant money, but I have another lined up. It will be about a month of no paycheck though, right as school is starting, since I'm changing jobs. I'm worried, not only about this but also in a couple of weeks I have to go to court over an old hospital bill that my insurance only paid a very small amount of because I didn't realize the clinic in the hospital bills like a hospital, since they told me they didn't when I called to check before hand. Well, they do, and my insurance won't cover hardly any hospital charges so I'm left with over 3000 out of pocket, all because of the form it's billed on. Had I known this I could've gone somewhere else and had it all paid. My husband doesn't help me with anything especially my medical bills. He doesn't think he should be responsible. The papers were served to both of us, so he got his lawyer to work this for us (more $$$)and the first thing he is going to do is try to get my husband's name off the papers, since he didn't sign anything at the hospital, so he won't be responsible, only me. All of this is going to cost me huge amounts of money I don't have. Is my husband responsible for my medical bills?? I have another outstanding balance I'm paying on monthly, the billing lady was calling my husband when it was still up in the air about what insurance would pay and asking for payment and he got really hateful with her and said it wasn't his responsiblity, and she told him it was if we were married. He has money in his checking account to pay all of this if he wanted to. He could also provide insurance for me, himself and the two girls if he would, but he says it's too expensive, it's not, he's just selfish. I had to ask him to help me buy meds for a sinus infection, and I had to convince him to fork over the $40 I needed to buy it. I asked him if he didn't care whether his wife, the one who cares for his kids is sick, and could get worse if not treated. He said he didn't care and hung up the phone on me. He told me he had his own bills to pay. Mind you, were still married, living together, he doesn't know I'm planning to leave. This is just a normal situation. I've been in worse health, needed immediate medical attenition, and he won't help me. I needed to go to the ER one time and he went out to mow the lawn. I had to have stepdaugher, with her driver's permit take me.
I'm sorry, I get to rambling, but does anyone know if I'll be stuck with a huge lawyer's and hospital bill? I've tried to appeal the insurance, but it looks like that's not going to happen, and I don't mind paying this bill out, although I have very little to do that with, it will take me forever, but I don't want my wages garnished either. I so need to be able to get out of here and be able to support and raise my daughter decently. I'm also scared about him visiting her and my daugher being in this house with all this craziness, and god knows who and what she'll be exposed to through her sister. Any advice is appreciated.

Im about in the same boat,,Have a 15 yr old stepson, who just moved back in..Have not lived with him since he was 9, he went to live w/his grandparents,well they moved to FLA, and he came to our house last Aug..I have a son and daughter both under 8 yrs old with my husb. LOTS of probs after stepson moved in,,he was failing 9th grade, made up a story about seeing a stranger in our house one day when he was coming in after school last fall, he called my husb and my husb called me..( i was home the whole time w/my daughter who was napping) (there turned out to be nobody there in our house) I got so scared and called the cops to come check out my house and went to pick up son from school..they searched and found to forcible break in.nothing gone, etc..Later he confessed to me and his dad he made it up!!!I was so mad,,my son was scared to death and we had to change all our locks to make him feel safe...Anyway..sorry so long..but now husb got a DUI last oct..his 3rd..and facing house arrest,,halfway house where he has to sleep there but can work during the day..school is starting...and asked husb what he will tell his son,,(my step-son) about him being gone each night at 7pm for up to 60 days,,and he said "Its none of his business.." so am I supposed to lie to my kids for their dad? No!!! Im tired of covering for him.......His parents are in town from FLA and they dont even know of any of this...Wish I could call and tell them to come get their grandson, because his dad will be on house arrest!! Any advice from anyone? I want so bad to file for divorce, have his son go to the grandparents, and raise my kids alone..but am scared..I do not work now and he makes all the money..I have no family except my brother here back in town..our parents have both passed..
Any advice from anyone would really, really help..Im so confused..