Help :-( Im only 17!
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Help :-( Im only 17!
| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 4:17am |
I think my partner is emotionally abusing me! He says nasty things to me and if I dont do what he wants, then he makes me feel really bad! He is forever trying to change me: 'Do this' 'Do that' Dont do it like that' 'Dont speak to him/her' 'Dont behave like that' etc. I dont know if Iam overeacting but it is really messing up my head at the moment and I just need to know to do..how to be stronger and deal with it better. All I seem to do is cry. Help :-(
Confused Lil One :-)
xx

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Mama Harmony
Your reply was a shock to me. For so long I havent heard anything positive from anyone in my life! Thankyou for your advice. It was so great to hear from someone who knows how Iam feeling, thankyou.
xx
You're not overreacting, at all. People in good, healthy relationships treat each other with respect, and that includes not ordering others around as he's doing.
You still have a lot of life ahead of you, and plenty of time to start over. Are you still living at home? If so, can your parents help you? They probably need to know what this guy is doing, and they may understand more than you think. If not, is there a guidance counselor, trusted teacher, etc. that you can go to? Any of these people can help you work on ways to leave him, and help protect you if you are frightened that he will physically harm you.
The thing to remember, if you didn't already know, is this: He won't change. He may ACT like he's going to change if and when he thinks he's going to lose you, but he won't really change. Ever. It is not going to get better, until you separate from him. This is why we say NO CONTACT, because if they can't contact you, they can't try to suck you back in.
You shouldn't have to be putting up with behavior like this; you have your whole life ahead of you. You didn't cause him to do it, his own issues did, and they have little or nothing to do with you. It may seem scary to strike out on your own at first, but it will be soooo worth it!
Thankyou SkyCat. I dont live with my parents anymore, me and my partner live together. I dont go to college either, I dont even have a job. Im trying so hard to find one though. Because I really want to able to depend on myself. GOD he just MOANS AND MOANS AND MOANS at me. He makes me so angry that I actually hit him. He is moaning and me right this very second to cook his dinner and wash up...tell me he is going to 'get rid of the f***ing internet' because now he cant have all my attention when Iam online chatting.
Right now, I dont feel as if I could leave him. I have not a penny in my pocket, I have no confidence, and I dont even want to tell anyone about this. No-one would understand, no-one I know anyway. I dont want to tell my family because I love him, and I know they will hate him and over react if I tell anyone anything.
He might change, we are just going through some really hard financial times at the moment, he has a lot of pressure with work, supporting both of us. He has soooo much to pay for and is getting more and more into debt and I cant seem to find myself a job he approves of, cant seem to find a job period.
I feel just stuck. I have depended on him for so long (something Iam not proud of) that I feel..how can I do it alone?
I need some answers. I dont know where or who from..but I just know I need them.
Iam not allowed to be myself..I have to be his nice little good mannered asian wife. I should cook, I should clean, I should serve and always be polite to everyone around me, even if I dont really feel like doing so. I should be how people want me to be. God Im so sick of this sh*t I dont even knwo what I want anymore.
xx
"I dont even knwo what I want anymore."
Thanx everyone for your comments. Im a mess. But I love this man, I love him. and I cannot just leave him. I will not be able to deal with all the emotions that will throw at me.
I cannot bear for him to be alone, lonely, hungry, sad, poor. I NEED to be there to help him through this time. I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams that I will walk away from him, leaving him alone, having no-one..he is horrible to me but I can never forget that I am mentally attatched to him..I dont want to live with guilt that I met this man..spent his money, made him love me and left him when I was bored...because that is how I will will feel..in a nutshell.#
Help
If you're not ready to leave this relationship, that is ok. Take your time and figure things out. Do consider contacting a local DA shelter, if only to see what kind of services, like counseling, they may offer. Is there absolutely, definitely no one in your family you can confide in?
But most important, please don't give up on yourself. You count too, red. No one has the right to treat you like garbage, no matter how much they have done for you or how much money you have spent.
Please look into getting more education. An education can give you the skills and confidence to become the best person you can be.
Take care,
--Fran
Thankyou Fran, thankyou for your reply. Iam planning to go back to college in September to study for a Make Up Artiste VTCT certificate. Im thinking of maybe taking a break from him. Maybe starting over again, will take lots of strenght. But im ure ill be ok :)
xx
And that second part will be difficult, yes. But some of the most important things in life often are difficult. That doesn't mean they aren't worth it.
Just always remember to tell yourself, "I matter too."
You can do this. And I am sure the other ladies on this amazing board will agree with me!
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