Help me! Advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Help me! Advice please!
1
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 2:18am

I am nearing my one year's freedom anniversary, yay! But I have some bad stuff going on right now...

I posted a while about this guy that I started seeing and then realized was a lying, cheating, controlling a-hole. Of course, you wisely advised to stop seeing him, and I did... sort of.

After a while, we started hanging out again, though very rarely, and he was still a jerk face, but we never really dated or got involved any further after that. The main problems started hugely from the moment I really put my foot down. I told him over and over that I didn't want to be with him, didn't want to see him, didn't want to pursue anything, and he continued to ignore me, but finally I just decided to stick to my guns and after telling him (again), explicitly, that I never wanted to hear from him again, I stopped answering my phone. I blocked his emails and instant messages. That was oh, about two weeks ago...

He has since called me dozens and dozens of times saying whole ranges of things from lying about me assaulting him (head butting him while he was pinning me) to lovey dovey things, like "I miss you" and "would you like to join me for a weekend away."

He is an attorney, and finally left a message about how I should return the "property" that he gave me under "false pretenses" and of course, pressured me to meet him in person to hand over the items. I thought it would be a better idea to mail them to him.

He seems so angered that I will no longer contact him or see him....

He has just said that if I don't talk to him and explain why and what and blah blah blah (of course, this is just a ruse to engage me again) that he will contact my abusive ex in the morning (he knows him indirectly) and tell him that I am violent, etc. This is definitely in all shapes and forms blackmail and threatening, and I can just tell that there is more to come. I know that talking to him further will provoke him (I still haven't communicated to him on the phone), but I also fear for what else he will do if I don't acquiesce to his demands. With all my ex's money, and with this guy being an attorney and all, what's a poor college student to do?

It's a shame that victims of domestic violence seem to be the only ones that get blamed (at least partially) for acts committed against them. I just want this guy to leave me alone. Any words of advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 8:01am

The best advice I can give you is to have absolutely no contact with him, don't give in to his demands, and document everything he's done to you up to this point. Write it all out with the dates & times. Record his phone calls, print out his emails, print out your email telling him to stay away, and if he drives by your house or comes to your door, get out a video or digital camera and get a dated record of it and then call the police. If he pulls anything else, at least you'll have a history of his abuse.

Good luck to you!