help me understand why (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
help me understand why (long)
3
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 10:09pm
Hi all Its Chris, Van confused friend.

I created my own screen name, i hope yall do not mind. I need some understanding of what has happened to Van. She doesnt deserve the life that she has been living, if you can call it living. Why would she put up with what he has done? She is a very intelligent woman, pretty, loving, caring. I just dont understand why she would not ask for help. Why would she live with this for so long? How did she manage to hide this from her family, and why did she hide it from her family? I went to see her tonight, she is worried because her brother is coming to visit next week and she know that she will not heal before then. She doesnt want him to know.

She acts as though she is ashamed of what Rick has done to her. Why is she so ashamed of what HE has done. She didnt ask for it. Granted she didnt do anything to stop it until now, but she still didnt ask for it.

When i saw her tonight i couldnt help but cry, her face is so swollen, she can barely talk and her eyes are almost swollen shut. But does she complain, no she actually was worried about me. She doesnt want me to feel bad because of what happened to her. I told her that i wished that i had gone with her to her house, she said that she was glad that i didnt because he might have hurt me too. I told her that if i had been there maybe he wouldnt have hurt her, or i could have at least called the police for her. She begged me not to blame myself for what he did. I didnt think i was blaming myself, but she thought i was. That is just an example of how caring she is. She is where she is and is worried about me.

Her relationship with her son is amazing, they talk about everything and i do mean everything. Except for what his dad has been doing to her. I wish i had had that kind of relationship with my Mom. He is such a good kid who also doesnt deserve this.

Anyway, I just wondered since you ladies have been there so to speak, maybe yall could enlighten me and maybe answer at least some of my questions.

Thanks

Chris



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 1:40am

Hey Chris -


I'm probably not going to be able to do this justice, but I'll take a whack at it.


Abuse is extremely psychologically destructive.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:49am

Hi Chris,


I'm sorry to hear about

Conceive......Believe........Receive!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 11:01am
Thank you Blueliner4, your words have helped. she did call the police the other day. They said that they would drive by often and if we saw him to call them imediately. She felt better after talking to the police officer. He didnt come by work or call again. Van wont talk about the attack, i think from what she has told me from the past that he probably raped her again. I wish i could convince her to talk to a professional about this. She needs help to reverse all of the damage that he has done. I am glad that she opened up to me, but i cant help her the way that a counselor can. I dont want to push her too much because she may stop talking to me. I know that it is good for her to get all of this out. I will be visiting her again today, she wants me to bring her her laptop so that she can check her emails and stuff. Maybe we can get online together and chat with you ladies tonight.

thanks for listening and responding

Chris