HELP PLEASE
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HELP PLEASE
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:36pm |
My husband and I are currently separated. We have toyed with the idea of reconciling and rejoining as a family. I moved from his home 2 years ago following 3 years of emotional abuse which I feared would escalate to physical abuse. I also moved for the emotinal well being of my then 14 year old son from a previous marriage and our then 3 year old daughter. Although I have tried EVERYTHING humanly and inhumanly possible to improve our relationship,nothing has worked. His latest antic resulted from my request of him to purchase much needed items for our daughter whom he provides nothing in any financial support.We spoke briefly and accused me of getting smart with him on the telephone (a typical pattern attempt of initiating an argument). He failed to call me for 2 days. On the 3rd day he called and stated" I will not be able to pay for the child care cost, I have had emergency surgery, and I will not call you back for a month." I called around to all of the local hospitals..... he has not been admitted.This was the last straw for me.All logic is yelling out to me that to give him another chance will have the same or worse results. This becomes more difficult to hold my position as the days of no contact increases. Please help with supportive remarks. I desperately need them to maintain my resolve.

A good way to keep your focus is to make a list of all the abusive things he did to you and your children. If you start to waver, pull the list out and remind yourself of the wise decision you made when you left. This guy will only bring you down and stop you from moving on to the wonderful life you deserve.
I'm really not know for hand-holding, huggy type of support. I'm more of a 'tell-it-like-it-is' kind of girl so, I hope someone else has some words for you, too. I can tell you that the *only* way to deal with an abuser is to extricate them completely from every area of your life and then IGNORE the heck out of them!
Keep looking up^, Susan.
I hope this doesn't sound like I am the one at fault here, but I am trying to be kind to myself now, and learn things that I was not ready to hear when he was living here.
Maybe you can just open your mind to hear the logical truth, not the implant that these jerks put into our head that lead us to believe them.
I wish you luck.
Kat
Thanks a million
One thing I do know because I'm in your position, he will continue to be this way because he probably believes it is all your fault. I would get a lawyer and take him through the court system to get financial support. Some states come down hard on "deadbeat dads." Good luck!
catlover66