Helping kids cope...
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| Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:37am |
But my DS, who is 10, has started screaming at me. Calling me names. Won't do anything I ask him to do. Says "make me." Has started getting physical with his sisters, and not in a normal kids getting physical kind of way. Today he grabbed his 4yo sister by the arm and squeezed really hard.
He feels guilty afterward, but then that doesn't stop him from doing it. He just seems to be getting angrier and angrier over time. H has been physical with DS. And that upsets him. Is it wrong to point out to DS that he is doing to his sisters what his dad does to him? That he is making them feel the way he feels.
Any other advice on how to deal with these behaviors until I get to the point where I can get some counseling for DS? I am so worried that he is turning into his Dad. He's only 10 and I can see things getting dangerous by the time he is a teenager. Oh man, what a mess.

Your son showing signs of remorse after the fact is showing that if you act now, you may find help for not only your son but your daughters too. The longer you stay, the worse it will get.
The shelter's have many, many resources besides offering safe haven. They can help you find abuse counseling, legal resources and can also help you find safety should you and your children need too.
Please also read all you can on this boards homepage as there are many articles and links that can also help you through times like this. You need to learn more about abuse and how it effects all within your family.
Hope this helps, Hugs
my kids started counseling last week. actually today will begin our thrid week. at the first session i realized i needed counseling more then they did. to build my strength up. so i wouldn't accept this type of behavior. please call your local shelters. there are places out there that will offer services next to nothing. i'm a single mom with three kids and have searched high and low and found places to help me. you can do it. good luck.
your kids need love from you right now. read on the homepage, it's has a lot of useful info about this.
mel
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
I completely understand your frustration with this.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
I don't have any kids, but I *did* grow up with an abusive relationship. My mother's ex-husband (my former stepfather) was *extremely* abusive to her (and to me as well), and she did whatever she had to do in order to keep the peace in our house. So, I believe that I got alot of my "coping" abilities from her. I don't think I would have put up with nearly as much from my XH if I had not seen my mom do so from her XH. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to both of us, to the point where my mom was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder after she left him. Her counselor told her she had been abused, and she was just floored. She had no idea her XH was being abusive, because she didn't have any bruises. So, obviously, she tried to "normalize" his behavior, and I followed her example to the letter. She had already been through one divorce (with my Dad) and didn't want to be divorced again, so she did whatever she had to do to stay married to that jerk.
If I could go back and change one thing about my childhood, I would have gotten my Mom to divorce him immediately. They were married for 13 years (got married when I was 7, divorced when I was 20), so I really grew up around that stuff. He tried to put on a good show at first, until he won her over. Then, he completely changed for the worse. (Sounds familiar, I bet!) By that time, she didn't see a future for herself without him. The older I got, the more I wondered why she stayed. Finally, shortly before I moved out of the house (I was 19 or 20 at the time), she broke down into tears during one of these conversations, and she said, "I don't know where I would go or what I would do . . . I'm just so scared!" That's when I knew that she had secretly wanted to leave him all along, but just didn't have the strength to yet. She finally did leave him, about two weeks after I moved out. I just wish it had been sooner.
So, don't underestimate the impact of an abusive relationship on your kids. It *will* have lasting effects. I would try to minimize the amount of time they spend with their dad, and make sure they get counseling ASAP! Good luck to you.
Love & Hugs,
Emm