Help,my husband abused me -am I to blam

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Help,my husband abused me -am I to blam
1
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:02pm
Hi

My second husband, whom I married a year ago, 9/6/03 has abused me. It all started when back in July, I started seeing a lot of phone calls and activity on his cell phone bill. (I pay the bills, so I get an itemized statement). There is one phone number that he called or came into his phone that popped up quite a few times, as much as 6-8 times a day. I call this number and low and behold, it is his former co-worker, Claire. Claire got fired from her job back in July. that is when the phone calls to her started. It has been this way consistently through August and into September. When I couldn't stand it any more, I started asking questions, like, does anyone besides me have his cell phone number or calls him? He says no. when Claire got fired from work, my husband said that his boss told him not to have contact or communication with Claire. My husband said, no one will tell me what to do. One day, while riding in the car, his cell phone rang and he immediately hung up, without evening answering it. It rang again, and he hung it up again without answering it. I asked him wasn't he curious as to who was calling him, why didn't he say hello and find out who is calling? He says, Oh it is probably just a wrong number.

finally, I confronted my husband about the numerous phone calls to and from Claire. He gives me this bogus story that he was asked to call Claire. I said by whom? My husband says by Claire's husband, he was afraid that Claire was having an affair and that her husband (Donny) asked my husband to call and keep tabs on Claire. I then said, well why havn't you called donny to report your findings (no phone calls to Donny or his home). He said, Oh I called him from the office. hummmm. He then went on to say, why don't you call Claire and ask her. Well, we all know she is going to lie also. I said, how about we call Donny. My husband says ok. We got into a heated argument, one thing led to another, my husband started pushing me out of our bedroom and into the hall and then into my daughters rooms, rushing at me. This was Thurs evening. Friday, we started arguing again, but this time, while pushing me out of our bedroom, pushing me through the hall and into my daughter's room, it was with so much force, hiting me and then pushing me on the bed, that I hit the wall behind it with my head. I have bruises on my arms, shoulders and a lump on the back of my head.

No I get feelings of guilt. That somehow I should have handled this better in approaching him on this subject and not be heated in the arguement. He would not have struck me or pushed me then. I don't know. In any event, I feel so demoralized, humiliated, sad and lonely. I know I am in a sick relationship, but it hurts to lose a marriage. I went through this with my first husband and now I am going through it again.

Anyone who has encouragement or advice, I would welcome it.

thanks and God Bless

Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:02pm
There is no right way you could have asked him. He wants to have you and he wants to have whatever relationship he has with Claire, and if you don't go along with it-that is keep you mouth shut and ignore it-he will do whatever it takes to shut you up. He's only concerned with what he wants- the best of the married life and the best of the single life, not about putting his marriage first.