He's back & wreaking havoc already w/ dd
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He's back & wreaking havoc already w/ dd
| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 8:07am |
1st off, he wasnt in Mexico - like the girlfreinds X kept calling me & saying. He gave her a bunch of stuff from Costa Rica. Dont know if the girl was with him, dont care either.
He took her overnite last nite.
I just picked her up & 1st thing this morning she begins asking me "Mommy, if it was you who got kicked out of our house, woud you say bad things about Daddy, stuff like he has a girlfreind?"
I told her that "No, i wouldnt say anything bad to you about your Daddy. Did he say some things that upset you?"
She started to cry & told me that he "keeps saying you have a boyfreind, & that you kicked him out & he really really misses home & really wants to come back".
I obviously reassured her that it was ok to feel upset like she does when she hears those things, & that Mommy DID ask Daddy to leave the house b/c he wasnt kind or safe to Mommy - & that it isnt right that Daddy says things to her like that that & upsets her - & i encouraged her that she can always come to Mommy about things that upset & worry her, even when its something about Daddy - & that she can talk to her counselor Lynn about it all. & i told her that i tried for a long long time to get Daddy to stop being unsafe & mean, b/c i wanted us to stay together, but it just got too dangerous for him to stay with us b/c he wasnt safe. & she said "yeah, i remember that once when he was emptying the dishwasher, he was calling you the baddest names ever".
He took her overnite last nite.
I just picked her up & 1st thing this morning she begins asking me "Mommy, if it was you who got kicked out of our house, woud you say bad things about Daddy, stuff like he has a girlfreind?"
I told her that "No, i wouldnt say anything bad to you about your Daddy. Did he say some things that upset you?"
She started to cry & told me that he "keeps saying you have a boyfreind, & that you kicked him out & he really really misses home & really wants to come back".
I obviously reassured her that it was ok to feel upset like she does when she hears those things, & that Mommy DID ask Daddy to leave the house b/c he wasnt kind or safe to Mommy - & that it isnt right that Daddy says things to her like that that & upsets her - & i encouraged her that she can always come to Mommy about things that upset & worry her, even when its something about Daddy - & that she can talk to her counselor Lynn about it all. & i told her that i tried for a long long time to get Daddy to stop being unsafe & mean, b/c i wanted us to stay together, but it just got too dangerous for him to stay with us b/c he wasnt safe. & she said "yeah, i remember that once when he was emptying the dishwasher, he was calling you the baddest names ever".


Jeeeez, do these jerks ever grow up?? It just makes ya wanna dope-slap em' and say, what the h*ll is wrong with you??? lol Sorry R, I know it's frustrating to say the least.Hang in there,
Serenity
Awww, jeez. Is there any kind of way at all that you can limit his contact with her? B/c it just seems to me like he will not get a clue, doesn't WANT to get a clue, so it's now time to think in terms of limiting the impact he could have on her.
This whole thing really does remind me of my SIL. She wants to preserve her DD's relationship with her father, which would be a perfectly good goal normally. But the thing is, when a guy is carrying on like Evil or like your guy, is he really being a father, or just a sperm donor? And is it really worth preserving a relationship with a sperm donor? It just seems to me like that's something to think about-JMO.
Erin, i wish i could, but legally (& beleive me, i have tried), there is no way to do that. At this point i wouldnt care about preserving any relationship b/c all it does is teach her to be freaking co-dependent!
Its the manipulation that KILLS me ... go ahead, do it to ME, but not to our poor innocent CHILD!!!
I called him today. Stupid, i know. But nothing ELSE works. I said "You need to know that these things you say to Averey, do NOTHING to me. You are involving an innocent child in adult issues, & it hurts NO ONE but her. Saying i have a boyfreind to her, i could care less. But it hurts HER. & its not even true. & when it BECOMES true, she will be the 1st peson i tell. But telling her that i "kicked you out". WHAT do you think that accomplishes? You know what it does? Its going to FORCE me to tell her exactly WHY you were "kicked out", are those details you WANT your child to know about you? You are emotionally torturing her"
AND
I usually just lurk, but I have to butt in here.
Oh, we have been ALL thru that. If youre bored one day, go back over the archves in the past year & see the hell he has put us thru with visitation.
When he was removed from the house a year ago, i got a GAL involved & was able to push, push, push for supervised visitation & got it - for maybe a month.
Yep. & my CL from the alcoholic support board pointed out the same thing. Alcoholics, abusers, they ALL want control. He has lost ALL control over me (Whoo Hoo! lol), & THIS is the only way he thinks he has to get to me (& in reality, he is right b/c i am letting him).
This really is a tough one, isn't it? Someone who's dealt with custody issues would know what to suggest better than I, but what about a new GAL? That's the only thing I can think of.
FWIW, I think that when she is older (14 or so), the courts will honor a request from her not to have to see him, if that is what she wants. I had a roommate in college who did that with a parent, though the mother was the nut in that case. So, it may be that you just have to get her to her teens rather than all the way to 18. Not much, but it's better than nothing.