He's beating his fiance-what do I do?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
He's beating his fiance-what do I do?
5
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 2:26pm
I just found out that my brother is physically abusing his fiance. They are set to get married at the end of this month.

A week ago, she asked for help because my brother had just tried to strangle her in her car. She almost lost consciousness, but was able to fight him off. The bruises are so scary. Listening to her talk, I found out that he had broken her ribs a couple of months ago (she said she fell down the stairs at the time). He's seriously injured there dog, called her foul names in public, tried to get my dad's 22 rifle...it just goes on and on.

I've also found a pattern to her injuries and the times she has let me know something wonderful has happened. Like, he destroyed all her clothes...then they get engaged. Or, her ribs are broken...then I find out they want to have kids soon after they're married.

So anyway, I really need some advise. This is just nothing I've ever delt with before. I'm a stressed out mess who can't sleep or think clearly. My dad says I should be "an unenvolved bystander", while my mom's catch phrase is "it takes two." My husband and I totally disagree, but how far can a person go to help without isolating the people they are trying to help?

My dad is a serious emotional abuser...it's amazing myself or my siblings made it out of the house with any self confidence...but he was never physically violent. My to-be-sister-in-law has said that she can't call off the wedding now that it is so close. AARGH.

It's rumored that my brother is going to go to counseling before the wedding (only 3 times) together with her...so there is some action.

My husband has contacted our local shelter. They sent us a package to give to her. That was nice, but is there anything else my husband I and can do? What is your opinion...do you think this can be stopped and they live happily ever after?

Any imput would be GREATLY appriciated! Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 11:10pm

Hi Glaciermama -


Your future sister in law is in extreme danger right now and I am very sorry that your parents are of the mind that she has something to do with it.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 11:49pm

Dear glaciermama,


I am the cl who notified cl-blueliner of this post because I have never had a post trigger me as much as this one.

Mama Harmony

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 11:46am
Hello blueliner4 -

I've printed out your post and will give to her today. Thank you so much for printing what I fear but believe in my heart. It's so hard to have my family discount this and make excuses for my brother, when I know it is just so wrong...and dangerous.

I often wonder if my husband had done the same things to me, if my family would look the other way.

I thought of this last night as a disease for my SIL. What if a doctor told her she only had a 30% chance of survival...I think she'd do anything to keep living - exercise everyday, no more coffee. BUT, this seems so clear-cut...to live, she must leave...yet it is so difficult.

I know she wants kids and is getting older. That is a part that scares me more than anything. I know from my two little ones, that nothing is as persistent and in your face as kids, not to mention vulnerable. YIKES YIKES YIKES.

Thank you again, I'll keep you posted.

With Peace

Glacier Mama

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 12:01pm
Cajunharmony,

Thank you so much for your real reply. I hate to think that my brother is such a monster, but the pieces of the puzzle do seem to be falling into place.

My H and I are going to do everything we can to help. The suggestions on this board are really a blessing.

With Peace,

Glaciermama


Edited 7/6/2004 11:45 pm ET ET by glaciermama

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 3:22pm
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Edited 7/6/2004 11:44 pm ET ET by glaciermama