He's gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
He's gone
5
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:43am
My husband who has been oh so nice for the past week blew up again last night. He works and also has his own fairly successful bussiness. He has a cardboard sign (the kind real estate agents have) stuck behind our mailbox, someone knocked it out a few weeks ago and he has been fussing about it. He comes in last night with 2 big pieces of asphalt and starts screaming at my daughter, cussing at her saying she did it. She backs away from him, clearly scared and he starts coming towards her with the rocks in his hand telling her "oh, no, you are not going anywhere." I step in front of him, with the baby screaming and crying, clearly scared too and my daughter runs out the front door. My husband starts toward her, but I again block him. He then starts screaming at me. I told him to stop, he said that I don't understand. I told him what he is doing is abuse, and he gets furious. He goes upstairs and takes the mattress of daughters bed and throws it in the basement, cussing and yelling the whole time. I tell him to stop again, he tells me to get out of his way and just let him calm down. I get the keys and head out the door with baby. He asks where I am going, I tell him we're leaving to let him calm down. He says "I didn't tell you to leave". I say "well I am". He says he'll leave, then says "this is my house, I'm not going anywhere", he goes outside. I quickly pack a bag and get in the car, he stops us halfway down the driveway and says where are you going, I say, I don't know, but I can't live like this. He says "don't take my baby from my house, whatever you do, don't take my baby from my house. He is crying and begging, he says he will do anything. I tell him if we don't leave, he will have to. Anyway, he finally leaves after much crying and begging on his part, and blaming it on my daugher, then me. Whatever. I cried for a while, then cooked supper, washed clothes, everything else. I am trying to hold it together, I'm surprised though that I don't hurt as much as I thought I would. I still feel like crying every once in a while, but I haven't yet so far today. I just hope I can be strong enough to see it through. He thinks there is someone else, there is not. He also said that most marriages are broken up by the kids, I told him most marriages are broken by some form of disrespect. He tried to argue, but I told him I wasn't arguing any more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:51am
That is really scary to think what might have happened with the two big pieces of asphalt, even just by accident, like if one had slipped from his hand and some one was next to him. It's not your fault or the kids fault or the fault of the sign for falling off the mailbox, it's always something or other with abusers, but it's never never never them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:57am
I know, even though he says that he realizes that he has done wrong, he still turns around and blames it on someone or something else. I really feel bad for him though, he doesn't realize what he is doing and he is so upset. He is crying, and begging and saying he will do anything. He says he will continue to pay the house payment and give us any money that we need if I let him know. He told the baby that no matter what else to remember that he was her daddy. I don't like hurting other people, and it was very hard for me to stand there and tell him he had to leave when he was crying. I felt like a real B****, I'm still hurting and not feeling so good about myself right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:39am
Morgan, no need to feel like a b*tch, please don't allow yourself to feel that way.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 3:29pm

Hey Morgan,

You did a good job making a step and realizing that this is not the way at all that things should happen. Do what you must. You sound like a very strong woman and we're here for you.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:46pm

Are you sure he doesn't realize what he is doing? Abusers are very clever when they want to be. And they can really get to our guilt. Read my post entitled crazymaking that I just sent. Someone like my husband (and probably yours) knows that he has to pick a partner/victim that is easily made to feel guilty or his tactics to control will not work. At least you got him out of the house though. Mine won't leave. Oh, he threatens to leave all the time and storms out sometimes, you know like a spoiled little brat, but he comes back within a half hour to continue the argument. Also, yours is still willing to support his family. If you have been reading my posts, you will know that my husband does not bring in any money although he is intelligent/educated/perfectly capable of doing so. He even goes so far as to do some work, but not collect the money for it! Yet, he blames me for all of our money problems. Try to figure that one out.

Please try to remember that you are not the one with the problem. It is him and only him and they never get any better just worse. Also, he is, like mine, stressing the kids out big time. Maybe if you think about these things, you will not feel so guilty.