He's gone but now I'm depressed!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:23pm |
The last few days I have been down in the dumps! I don't know why either. Earlier in the week I was feeling like my old self -- positive and happy. I don't want him back so I know it's not that I miss him. I had to see him today to go over the bills and have him give me his share. It was tense. He's been searching for an abuser program but they all seem to be court mandated only. Well, I got on the phone and found one. I promised myself I would not do that!! I think I did it more to prove there was one out there then to really help him. At least this program does not believe in couples counseling. One he looked at believed in it (eventually, not at 1st) and believes that abuse is learned and can be unlearned....He liked that one! Luckily they only take residents of that county.
I don't really want to get back together but for some reason I'm not quite ready to pull the trigger on this marriage! Of course, it has only been 10 days that we've been separated. Is this normal???

Normal?
CL-Blueliner4
I am going to counseling and also to the DV support group. I only made it to the last half of it this week but at least I made it there! My counselor is the one we both went to in the fall. This helps because he knows both of us so he constantly validates that H was abusive and just in counseling to appease me. He's a straight shooter, that's probably why H doesn't like him that much!
I can't cut off all contact with him right now but I have limited it so it is not everyday. We have to talk to arrange to pay the bills and also I've been dropping off clothes to him at work (we work in the same company). He was supposed to take clothes last weekend but took hardly anything! I know he is using this as a way to exercise some sort of control still. In a way I'm allowing that because I just am too exhausted to fight over it....right now that is! He wanted to take me to lunch or dinner to celebrate my new job. I refused. I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I am trying very hard not to get into any arguments or relationship discussions with him. He's tried to bait me but I just ignore it.
I have gone to karate three times this week! :) I am going tomorrow too. They have a good sense of what is going on and are sooo supportive! I love them. When I mentioned that H came to the house on Sat to fix the faucet one of the Sensei's said, "If you need something fixed just call me. I will come up and take care of it. You don't need to have to call him and deal with that." He's just a baby still (25) but such a good boy! He is like my little brother.
Thank you again!!!
Hi joshu…it sounds to me like you’re in a good place.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
In the beginning of reclaiming our sanity and our lives, we often feel like we're on a roller coaster -- some days, you're higher than a kite, enjoying things; other days, you are so down, that you can not get out of bed.