He's At It Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
He's At It Again
14
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:18am
Whelp, sitting here at work after having only 4 hours of sleep - and it took 5 sleep aid tablets for me to get that. He got furious with me (hubby of 4 years) because I made a "date" to take our 3 y.o. daughter on a boat ride with my sister and her family next Sunday afternoon. He said I was "putting her in danger". She will have a life vest on - law requires it for anybody under 12, my sister and her family are careful, and our daughter was really excited about getting to go. I got mad at him back - accused him of trying to distance me from my family, and told him I was sick of going to his family's house and never to see my family - fair is fair. He's making me out to be the abuser - yes, he made me so mad I threw a clothes hamper across our bedroom - didn't even come close to hitting him - he, of course, threatened to have me locked up for assault if I ever hit him - I never have - he's not worth it. And I knocked a long magnet off the banister again, because he was making me furious. He's always the one threatening to leave - it would really crush our daughter. I have told him if he doesn't like things then leave - nobody's holding a gun to his head to stay there. I'm sorry - I did call him a loser and deserter if he left. He doesn't like my 18 y.o. son living with us while he goes to college - I tried to send him away, my son hated it and came back home to go to college here. My son is gone to his friend's house every weekend anyway - Friday night to Sunday night. He goes to his friend's house every night and comes home around 11. My husband, of course, flew into it and said he doesn't have any "say" around the house - I told him, no, not when you're talking of throwing my son out - that's wrong. DH says he doesn't want to leave - we're his family - but then gets mad at me when I give my son money because he has to drive to school and eat something during the day.

And I'm sorry I blew up when I had given our daughter a bath, gotten her ready for bed, read to her, put her to bed, and I came out and the living room was a mess, coffee not made for the next morning, dog was not let in (it's his dog - she's short haired and I thought it was getting down to 50). I told him it wasn't right for me to totally take care of her and him not do a darn thing but sit on the couch like a lazy butt (actually I said a___). Then yesterday I asked him if he wanted a divorce - he says for me just to say the word - coward! He's putting all the heavy stuff on me. I have worked and slaved and gone without because of this family - and I will continue to do so but I expect him to treat me with respect which he's not doing. Gee, can you tell I'm stressed???!! Sorry this is so long and thank you for venting. Constructive comments are welcome - please don't "rake me over the coals" - I get that enough at home. I feel shell-shocked today - things go so well and then, Blam! Back at it again!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:50am
THIS is what I'm talking about in that I don't need to be raked over the coals on this board. IF that's all you have to say - keep your thoughts to yourself. I'm a grown woman - well-educated and DO have a brain. If I do something like that - which is very rare, it's because that's what's needed to stop the crap. He's never accused me again, and won't. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to convince somebody of something. Now - go get on your soapbox with somebody else who cares to hear from you. If you're on this board you obviously have some of your own problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:04pm
Hey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I have had a lot of problems, I was in an abusive marriage for 8 years, I'm 6 months out now. I never implied you weren't educated or were not intelligent. It doesn't matter, abuse victims can be well educated or not, intelligent or not, grown women or teenagers or children or the elderly. I know as abuse victims we are percieved by 90% of people to have something wrong with us, to not be as good or as smart or as together as everybody else. But I've been there and I don't think that. I guess coming from that perspective that would be percieved as being implied in my message, but it wasn't. I don't mind admitting that I have had my own problems. Sometimes I feel like it helps me to listen to others stories and share if I've been through something similar or share if I've learned something. But sometimes I never know what that line is between offending and maybe saying something that will click with somebody else and help them, and then sometimes it depends on the person hearing the message too. I will never forget a cop told me once You don't have to live like this. I still remember his comment to this day, and I thought about what he said many times over the years. Now I still have my opinions of the plate incident and I've been through similar stuff, but I will keep that to myself, since it's not my intention to be on a soapbox or lecture, I'm only here to help myself and maybe help/encourage others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:10pm
ok, sorry if I went off a little. The plate thing, to tell you the truth, I thought right at that moment that it's the last time I'm going to this extreme - if I have to again he's out. He really hasn't accused me since. And his ex wife did cheat on him terribly with a neighbor of theirs while he was working his rear end off in a factory trying to keep her up with her sister (who was married to a surgeon or something), and thank goodness somebody had the decency to tell on her - so I could see where he was coming from. But I've never had anything to do with any legislator up here - and I never will. Just not interested - if I had been, I would have gone for one of them 4 years ago when I divorced my ex. I was married for 23 years to an abuser - no, it wasn't all that bad or I wouldn't have stayed with him so long. We did have some really good times, and we have a son I'm proud of even though my current dh is jealous of him and tries to find every little nit-picking thing he can on him - which really gets on my nerves. I just had to go to the nurse practitioner at lunch today to get a shot in the hip for a tension headache from our fight on Sunday - 2nd time I've had to do that. And, cl blueliner, she said no more taking 4 over the counter sleep aids in one night because it could stop me breathing. She said next time take 2 at a time and give it at least an hour to work. If I keep having trouble she's going to try something like Ambien - which I really don't want to take I hate sleeping pills (afraid of getting addicted).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:03pm

Ah, Ambien the wonder drug.


Ambien should only be taken for a maximum of 10 nights and it's usually a rocky couple of days coming off of it.

CL-Blueliner4

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