Hey friends, its been a while....(update

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Hey friends, its been a while....(update
7
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:07pm
Hey, if any of you remember me. I have missed coming to these boards. Its been months since I've been able to get to a computer with internet. I no longer live in SC, now I'm back on the West Coast living in AZ. I just moved in with a relative of mine. He and his father thankfully let me live there cause for the past three weeks I've had no where to call home. I am 5 months pregnant now, by the guy that I thought was my prince charming after I left my abusive ex. But turns out after dating him for a month he was not at all who I thought and I didn't know I was pregnant then, but unfortunately started talking back to my ex. I couldn't seem to get over him. I then broke his heart when I found out the news of my pregnancy, but he has been kinda in and out my life since then. He even offered to be the step father but something inside me has been extrememly reluctant about that. I thought my Grandmother was willing to help me save some money by me moving to LA and living with her rent free for a while so I could save up for the baby but when I finally moved (I drove across country all by myself) I arrived in Los Angeles to a very cold welcome by her and alot of my relatives who were visiting from SAC. at the time. So I was staying with a friend who only let me stay a week and after that week was up, I didn't know where to go, but my EX's Mom in Arizona had offered if I wanted to stay with her and her kids. Well, once the week was up, I did move to AZ and stayed with her for a while, but she turned against me when I found a job in my second week here and accussed me of not helping out enough even though I had become her personal babysitter, I guess she just wanted me to get on welfare and be unemployed so she could use me all the time and save herself the time and money by having me take care of her kids. So basically we didn't work out cause she blew up at me a couple days ago and then called the police to her house while I was packing up my car again cause she was mad I was leaving. (I now see why my ex was so screwed up, b/c his Mom is more abusive and manipulative than him). I had finaly located a cousin of mine who I knew lived somewhere out here and he came to my rescue and helped me get the last of my few possessions I could pack in the car and he said I could stay with them. So here I am. Thankfully away from my Ex's crazy mother, in a loving home finally and I have a job that I just started this week thats going well. I am waiting to recieve medical assistance and soon I will be able to check on my baby and see how her/his health is doing. I am now five months and I haven't been checked since I was 3 months. I just wanted you guys to know. I am happy about the pregnancy, just the circumstances weren't what I had expected for my life, but I am doing the best I can and trying to keep myself calm and focused. Thanks for listening. Oh, and if anybody lives in Phoenix do you know any good ob-gyns? I'm just happy to talk to you guys again. Hope all is well.

Love,

Uwi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:43pm

Oh, honey -


It's a strange world sometimes and I'm just glad you're safe, somewhere stable for the moment.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:04pm
Oh Blue, I am so happy you replied. I missed you all so much. I needed to talk to someone many times when I found myself lost and confused and wanting to get back with you know who. But one thing I did do, was pray, alot. I think God is what really kept me sane through all these changes and emotional moments I was having. Thanks for the advice about Good Samaritan hospital. I'm going to check there right away. I hope my mail about the medical assistance gets fowarded to my new address and isn't somewere in a trash can at my ex's mother's house. She is so screwed up, she would do something like that, just to try to keep me from surviving out here. And as far as eating junk I ate plenty of ice cream and grilled cheese sandwiches in SC, but now I'm over it. Now all I crave is salads and fruit and water. My stomach always feels full, when before I seemed to always be hungry. Well, I will keep you guys posted okay. Love ya!

Uwi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 9:06pm

Welcome to AZ, uwi!

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 1:26pm
Gentle Hugs MommaUwi! You have been moving around alot and I hope you dig in and start your own home! I cannot echo enough what blue told you, please do not under any circumstances let your ex anywhere near you or your baby. That family has brought you nothing but harm.

You need to settle down Uwi and deal with your past. It keeps bothering me that you haven't settled into one area yet and I just get the ugly feeling it is because you have allowed your ex to keep in touch with you. You can't heal from a wound if you keep pulling it open, it will become infected which is what he is still doing to your mind.

You are in a good place now to take care of both you and the baby, please use the resources around you for you and only you! I'm sure your Grandma will come around, don't know of an old style lady like she is who takes your being pregnant easily. But she will come around and she will be there for you, but I get the feeling again, it's because she knows you have had contact with that animal in LA and she can't accept him or any of his kind.

You take care of you girl, you're a Mommy now and that little one doesn't need that creep around her/him. Find the counseling you need and haven't gone to yet. Work on getting all of your past dealt with and wash your hands of it. You won't find a successful relationship until you deal with the abuse you have been through. It will also taint your views on others too, I know, it's what kept me falling into more abuse time and time again.

Stand tall Uwi, stay healthy, have a healthy munchkin, and lose the past so that you can live your future! You know, alot of models have had babies and still have the ability to model! You still have that dream, maybe now is a good time to follow it! You would make a beautiful maternity model too,,hint, hint!:)

Hugs MommaUwi, keep us posted, and find a good pediatric but most of all,,a good life for both of you!:)

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 1:57pm
Oh Buff, I missed your words of healing. You always inspired me to keep myself on the right track and made me see the truth. Thanks for that beautiful post. I am a Mommy now, Wow! The last thing I want is for my child to grow up with an abusive step father, and even though my ex claims to love kids and appears to be gentle with them who know's how he might be when its just him and the baby (when I'm not around), especially because its not his biological baby, he's liable to treat him/her worse than he would his own kid because it reminds him of when I cheated on him. Well I didn't actually cheat, b/c we weren't together when it happened, but it felt like betrayal to him anyway. Well, I am thankful that I am living with two men, who feel protective over me and care about me and my baby. Its the perfect situation really until I get on my feet and in my own place. But in the meantime, I can feel safe around my cousin and uncle and if my ex did ever try to see me he'd have to deal with them too. For the first time I sort of have a brother and a father figure in my life. I want to get counseling, but sometimes I feel like I'm not the same brainwashed girl I used to be so why go? I will think about it. Thanks a million!

Love,

Uwi

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 4:30pm
Uwi, you are still the same brainwashed kid, if his conditioning wasn't effecting you, you never would have let him know where in this world you were living.

I too still at times think of my last abuser, because we did have good times. So now I do sometimes think of the good, but in no way would ever let her know where I am because of the bad. Once they know you've given them one thought in maybe 10 years, they automatically think that we want them and their BS back in our lives.

So please, seek out a good abuse counselor, deal with your past issues including those of not having a father figure in your life. Heal yourself, find the wonderful woman who is waiting in the mirror to get to know you better. The happier your life is, the better you feel about yourself, the happier the baby will be.

I know I thought that physical distance from an abuser would heal all, it doesn't. If we don't deal with the conditioning we've been subjected to, we too often and too easily think we are no longer effected by them. This is usually where we get into another abusive relationship or we screw up a relationship with a good person. Healing takes time, and if we give it that time we heal far more quickly!

Hugs

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 3:50am
Hi uwi..You know , I've never been very prompt -- always the last to the party, but STILL sincere in WELCOMING YOU TO AZ! Please feel free to email me at kdkaz35@yahoo.com if you're still needing any Dr.s info...I'm so behind on the board you may have already delivered...if so, i'm anxious to hear the news! hugs, k